Cara(00:00.078)

Welcome to the Purpose Driven Mom Show, episode 524. We are talking today about the identity shift that happens every school year. And it’s not just for your kids, it’s for you too. Every school year, the calendar changes, your activities change, the things that are on your plate change. It feels like a hard transition unless you can take a little bit of time to embrace it. And that’s what we’re gonna talk about.

thing that we feel sometimes that first week of school where it’s emotional. It’s excited. We have a phrase in my home we call nervous cited when we’re nervous and excited, right? One minute it’s like, yes, my kids are in school and I got my mornings back. And the other one, you’re like, now what do I do? And I’ll tell you, I feel a little bit that way right now. Let’s see, it’s July right now when I’m recording this episode. I’m batching ahead. This is the only week my kids have camped from nine to four of the entire summer. we decided to do a less camp summer.

And it’s been a challenge, but fun. The thing is, I sat here yesterday and I was like, okay, I got the full day. What am I gonna do? And I had a plan, but it still felt overwhelming, right? It was quiet. And my brain was like, Well, I should go read my book. I’ve been wanting to read in quiet. no, no, I really want to catch up on TV. We only have two TVs in my home. And I don’t watch a lot of my shows when my kids are around like they’re watching TV, so I can do other things. I don’t get to watch a lot of TV. And I was like, my bitch was showed. No, I gotta catch up on work. I gotta do this. And then

I realized to take a breath and it was okay because this is what it’s gonna also feel like in six weeks when my kids go back to school. I don’t know if your kids have started yet. By the time you’re hearing this, my kids are back to school. It is the first day back. And a lot of times when it comes to back to school in this transition, we spend all this time preparing our kids for it, but we don’t often think about the shift that’s gonna happen for us.

My kids are going into bigger grades. We are gonna have a third grader, a fifth grader, and a sophomore in college in my home. My oldest is in Atlanta in college. These are big milestone years. When my daughter got to third grade, I remember the shift we had with her personality grade. It’s a very big kid type grade. And I feel like that transition from small little kid to big kid really happens in third grade. My daughter is getting closer and closer to middle school. So we’re hitting all of that.

Cara(02:14.988)

And my oldest is gonna be 20 in just a few months. And he fucking cry. He’s like a whole adult, right? that hit me in my fields. It’s a transition. But what about that transition for me? What about this identity shift for me that’s happening? Now it’s a different one than used to happen for me when I was a teacher. When I was a teacher, my identity shift from summer Kara, who still worked summer school but had a little time off to school year. Kara was a different person. Now it feels different as a mom. Every school year, you are creating a new.

version of yourself. And I was talking to my therapist about this because I was saying how there’s things I’ve enjoyed the summer. There’s things that I’ve struggled with a bit. And I always want to remember what are those things that I really want to take with me into the school year, the lessons from summer. Okay. Motherhood itself is always evolving, but we don’t often remind ourselves that we’re a different person. This was my big aha this summer. I’ve been doing this for it’ll be nine years in October that I’ve had a PDM. And

I’ve changed as a person. I’ve changed as a mom. And you’ve changed as my listener. Like if you’ve been here from the beginning or hey, this is the first episode you’re watching or listening to. What you needed then isn’t what you need now. And it happens to us all the time in motherhood. You have your babies who start walking and that’s a whole new phase. Then they’re going to kindergarten, right? Right. Like that shift into kindergarten, huge transition for you. Kids becoming more independent. I’ll tell you, this is one of the shifts for parenthood that I had to like figure out. Like my kids don’t need me as much, and it’s a good thing.

But what does that mean for me? If you ever sat in your car while your kid is drove, oof, it is a thing. It is a transition to their independence. And obviously I haven’t hit these phases, but when you move to full emptiness, going back to a new career, starting your business, right? Your kids will always need you differently. And your role changes with their school years changing. And sometimes you don’t feel it until halfway through the year and you look back on it.

But it gives you this question of well, who am I now? What is this motherhood role that I’m going to play? And I think about this a lot with my kids. Ours district, my kids will not go to middle school till seventh grade. So I still have a two more years before my daughter goes to actual middle school. And I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Like we’re walkers, right? So my kids don’t take the bus. I bring them to school. My kids honestly could walk to school by themselves. I enjoy walking them to school. It’s a very short walk, but I enjoy talking to them. I enjoy having that time. But my daughter said to me the other day, Ma.

Cara(04:35.906)

Do you really think you could just not walk with us? Like we can do it. It hit me like, my gosh, who am I gonna be as a mom? Like if I’m not walking my kid to school. Like it’s all these different transitions. So every school year is creating this new version of you, but we often resist it. Now I resist my kids walking to school by themselves because I’m like, I’m not ready. But often we resist changing in our identity, especially when the school year starts, because we’re unsure what to do with ourselves. Now, your schedule it looks different than my schedule. Everyone’s schedule is a little bit different. I work from home.

I have three part-time jobs. I pretty much make my own schedule, but I work, you know, 30 hours a week at home. You might go into a traditional job, you might be a stay-at-home mom, you might also be homeschooling, you might run your business at night, things like that. And when we have this space or when things change or when our kids become more independent, we feel lost. And I remember feeling this way when I left teaching. I was a teacher for nine years.

Been out of the classroom now. It equates with my marriage. So I’ve been married 12 years. So I’ve been out of the classroom 12 years. But I remember that first year and I just didn’t know who I was. I had been a teacher for nine years, almost a full decade. It had been my identity. And now I was like, what do I do? It feels this way sometimes with transitions with our kids and that back to school transition, right? Well, I should be grateful that I have more time. But like to be honest, this week, my kids are at camp and I am grateful to have more time. But I’m like, what are they doing right now? Right? Like I miss them. Or

they’re back to school. I should do a hundred things. Like I should be busier. When it’s like maybe I just need a reset and a transition. I don’t even know what I want anymore. Like you sit there and you’re like, maybe you’re in this transition where your kids were home and toddlers and now they’re at school and you’re like, wait, what do I want to do? And one of the ones I struggled with the transitioning with my kids was this one. Like, if I’m not needed every minute, who am I? I’m I’m mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy, right? And when you aren’t that anymore and your kids don’t need you as much.

My youngest again is gonna be nine soon. So he’s like starting early puberty. My daughter’s almost eleven. We’re in the puberty phase. My kids are older. They don’t need me as much. And I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit, right? And a lot of us unconsciously will cling to this old identity of being needed because it’s familiar. But it’s okay to let it go. Oftentimes those labels like they served us, right? I’m a homeschooling mom. That’s what I did.

Cara(06:48.686)

Well, what happens if your kids choose not to homeschool this year? Or I’m the mom who volunteers with the PTA. Well, what happens if you decided to go back to work? Or I’m the working mom and now I’m staying home. Or I was a mom with toddlers. Or my kids were doing sports. I see this a lot in like sports groups. my daughter’s in competitive chair. And I think about that. Like, that’s been our my identity, right? Cheer mom for a while. Like what happens when your kids stop? I saw this thing that was like, you know, my kid cheered their whole life and now they’re in college and they’re not cheering or they’re post-college, like their chair has stopped. And like I didn’t realize how much of my identity.

My kids were and my kids’ life was. We cling to it because it’s what we’re used to. But it’s okay to move on. It’s okay to have this next chapter. It doesn’t mean that we’re not grateful for the chapter we’re in. So the season that you’re leaving this summer, as you move into this new school year, I want you to ask yourself, what did it make possible? Instead of what am I losing with my kids going to school more or my kids are home more or whatever change is happening for you? Ask yourself, like, what space has opened?

While I do grieve the loss of time with my kids in the summer, it’s one of the reasons we’ve talked about homeschool, just having more time with them. I do find that space allows me to get some things done. So asking the better question. Now I have more focused work hours. So when my kids come home, I can be more present with them instead of scattered. I have time to meet up with friends for coffee, which I didn’t have this summer. I can start reading again or

working on my health goals or my marriage. This is like a big one. Me and my husband, we tend to be passing ships more than we would like. We talk about how we’re in the activity phase where we have to divide and conquer. And as our kids get older, you always hear people say like once your kids are your empty nesters and you’re with your partner, like it’s just the two of you. Like have you nurtured that relationship at all? Right. Maybe now you have space for that. You can craft space to volunteer, to get hobbies, to rest. New freedom when the kids are back at school is not something to feel

guilty about, it’s something to steward. It’s something to be excited for. So now that we’re kind of closing out August, I want to give you some questions whether your kids have started school or not. And I want you to think through them. First up, who am I becoming this school year? Now what you’re doing, who are you becoming? Do you want to continue the chill vibes you have this summer? Do you want to focus more on your business? What is the person you’re going to become going to look like this school year? Do you want to volunteer more? Do you want volunteer less? Maybe

Cara(09:05.804)

You know, you had an aha over the summer that you volunteered so much at the kids’ school last year that you didn’t have any time for you. And this year you’re gonna say no and put up some boundaries. So first up, who do you want to become this school year? Question two. What is no longer fitting in this season? We have our old routines, we have our old expectations, comes old guilt, old commitments. Going off what I just asked in question one, who am I gonna become? What can I get rid of? As I move into the new year, as I get ready for 26, 27.

Kara, what is she gonna be like? Am I going to get rid of walking my kids to school? If I did, while I wouldn’t get a ton of time back, it would save me at least 30 minutes of my day in the morning and the afternoon. What could I do in that 30 minutes? Could I get rid of that routine where I do my reading during that time instead of taking them up to school? Right? Could I meditate? Could I decompress? Could I have a little more transition time before I start work?

I possibilities feel endless and I do feel a little guilty about it. I’m not taking my kids to school like I quote unquote should be, right? We know those ship phrases aren’t right, so that I could read my book. No, no, no. I’m giving my kids more independence so that they can get themselves to school and I can use that time for myself. I shouldn’t feel guilty about that. No, listen, come catch me in September. I’m not ready to give it up. I will tell you right now, I’m not ready to now walk my kids to school or pick them up to school. But they’ve been asking. So

That’s where I have to decide what does it look like. And this third and final question, I want you to take a walk and think about what dream deserves attention now. In the next few weeks, we’re gonna do a little series about reigniting your dreams because I feel like a lot of times in the summer, our main focus is on like what the kids need and having adventures with the kids and having fun. Not bad things, right? But a lot of times our dreams and our goals get pushed. What dream gets my attention now? It doesn’t have to be huge, right? But maybe you’re like, I wanted to write, but I didn’t. I’m gonna do it now. This summer I said I was gonna exercise and I didn’t.

I wanted to hang out with my friends. I want to travel, right? I want to do some more learning. I want to slow down. I want to be creative. That was one of my goals this summer was to have more creative time. I haven’t had it like I wanted to. Not for any reason except we’re having a lot of fun. And that’s okay. But is there a dream that I have now that could use some attention? What is that shift gonna look like? This week, instead of thinking, all right, I just need to get my kids back to school plans together.

Cara(11:26.252)

I want you to spend 15 minutes thinking about your own. What do you want this school year to look like, whether it’s started or not? How do you want to feel? And who do I want to become by next tune? The school year, it’s not just a fresh start for your kids, it’s one for you as well. Let this transition be a time where you step into who you’re becoming and don’t feel like you’re boxed into the mom you were when the school year ended. Your next chapter can begin right now. It just starts with some small choices.

In the next few weeks, we’re gonna talk about that. So show notes for this episode will be at a purpose driven mom.com slash podcast five twenty-four. But we’re gonna talk a little bit about back to school anxiety. We’re gonna talk a little bit about crafting time for yourself in your schedule. So I hope you enjoy this series on opening up this next chapter as we get ready for the school year.