How to Get Out of Your Head and Conquer Your "Inner Critic"

A Purpose Driven Mom Podcast

Episode 406

Are you a busy mom who is struggling with having a positive mindset? In this enlightening episode of the Purpose Driven Mom Show, Cara dives into the transformative topic of mindset, particularly focusing on the growth and fixed mindsets. 

Cara teaches the difference between a growth and a fixed mindset and how it impacts goals. A fixed mindset includes thoughts of being content in the way you are with no plan or drive to change. This really impacts your progression in achieving anything. A growth mindset is key to achieving any sort of success. This involves the idea that through hard work and dedication, things will change and your goals will be reached.

Cara also shares about the role of the inner critic that exists in everyone. The inner critic is that voice in your head that keeps you safe. But it is important to understand why the inner critic exists and how to recognize and move past it. Most people have a fear of failure because their inner critic says they will never achieve that goal or reach that milestone. Cara emphasizes that failure is all about learning and pushing past that voice will lead to success.

Listen in to learn more!


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Episode Highlights:

1:56 The difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset 

9:47 The importance of embracing challenges 

14:40 The inner critic 

Links Mentioned:

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3. The 15 Minute Formula: How Busy Moms Can Ditch the Guilt, Say Yes to What Matters, and Conquer Their Goals here >>> https://the15minuteformula.com/free/


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Transcript: How to Get Out of Your Head and Conquer Your "Inner Critic"

Cara Harvey (00:00:03) – Welcome to the Purpose Driven Moms show here at A Purpose Driven Mom, we believe that it’s possible to manage your home, work on your personal goals, and grow and scale an online business. Most productivity tips out there tell you to hustle more and make you feel shame about not being motivated enough. And we’re here to dispel this myth. I’m Kara Harvey and I am on a mission to help work at home. Moms realize that they have the power to go after their dreams, take care of themselves, and manage their home without perfectionism, guilt, or having to sacrifice their sleep. If you’re ready to shift your thinking around productivity and get some practical tips to help you manage your mom life, toss your earbuds in while you fold the laundry. And let’s do this! All right. Welcome to the Purpose Driven Mum show, episode 406. I’m doing a quick little intro to throw in here, because what we’re sharing today is a live session I did at the Purpose Driven Moms Summit back in April. If you missed it, I’m sorry recordings are not available anymore, but this session was so good that I was like, let’s put this on the podcast.

Cara Harvey (00:01:00) – It was all about how do you get out of your own head? How do you attack that inner critic is what we like to call them. How do you decide this is the voice I’m hearing, but this is how I push past it. And in this session I teach this concept of the inner critic. I teach you how to change from having a fix to a growth mindset, and I hope you enjoy it. You can find show notes at a Purpose Driven mom.com/podcast 406. If you hear me talking about the summit or anything like that, it’s because I recorded this live during it. But we know that the summit is is not there anymore. You can come join us next year at our eighth annual. Seventh annual. Nope. Eighth. This is year seven at our eighth annual event. Otherwise, enjoy this episode. Let’s talk about mindset. No fun, right? I don’t know about this, but we are. We’re going to talk about why your mindset matters. And I’m going to teach you a two different types of mindsets that I think really can help you, and understanding why you might be feeling stuck if you have a goal that perhaps isn’t working.

Cara Harvey (00:01:56) – If you’re struggling with that voice in your head that says you’re not good enough. If you saw Kelly’s presentation today, who talks about, hey, what do you do? How do you step into your zone of genius to do something different, to find a passion? You know, whether it’s a hobby or a business or whatever? And you’re like, no, I can never. Then maybe you’re struggling with this area of your mindset, and I want to help you get out of it. And it’s this growth versus fixed mindset. So let’s kick off there. And again, you should have that workbook if you want to journal through a couple things. Now I’m going to teach you about these two different types of mindsets that I learned about when I was teaching. I was a high school teacher for ten years. I don’t know if we’ve talked about this yet. I taught high school special education. It’ll be ten years this April. I’ve been out of the classroom. I taught for nine years. I always get those confused because the math doesn’t matter.

Cara Harvey (00:02:38) – But I’ve been out of the classroom for ten years. I taught for about nine and I loved it. But in the school that I worked at, we had this workshop on this topic and I thought, oh, this is it, the struggle between the growth and the fixed mindset. So maybe you’ve heard these concepts right. These are the two mindsets that we find, like psychologists that do the research, find people can get the most stuck in that gets in their way the most. Okay. So a fixed mindset that is that belief that I am the way I am, right? Your abilities, your intelligence, your talents are absolutely fixed traits. That is really, really key. Because when you think I am the way I am, I’m born this way. Therefore it can only be this way. It will stop you that you could, you know, not go after your goals. You can not try something, right? So I am attempting. I am a runner. This is my growth mindset.

Cara Harvey (00:03:29) – I run, my body moves in a running motion. So I am a runner, right? I struggle with this for a while because I was a slow runner. Still, I am a slow runner, right? But my old fixed mindset would say, well, I can’t be a runner because I can’t run fast, right? I wrote a book and I remember coaching someone else and they were saying to me, you know, one like, I want to be a writer, like I want to be a writer. And I said, do you write there? Like, yeah, I’m writing my book. And I was like, then you are a writer, right? Fixed mindset is the thing that keeps us stuck. If you stay in this mindset of like, well, this is the way my partner is, so they’ll never change or this is the way my situation is. It’s also very connected to a victim mindset, right? The people who struggle with this, they avoid challenges, right? They give up very easily.

Cara Harvey (00:04:14) – They like don’t think about effort like fixed mindset doesn’t care about effort. It just cares about how things are. Right? So you kind of ignore like any of that feedback and you’re like, other people can do their thing because this is the hand that I’m dealt and mate. And again, no shame if this is a place where you’re at. But maybe you’ve had these thoughts like, oh, well, this is the way things are, but I want to encourage you to lean in to what we call a growth mindset, okay? Now, a growth mindset when you can swap these is that belief that through hard work, through effort, through dedication, things can change. So while I still run slow, I now do believe I’m a runner, right? I’m running a ten mile race in two weeks. I’ve only gotten to six miles and I walk run like I don’t even do the whole thing. But guess what? I still, when people are like, oh, I’m going for a run today.

Cara Harvey (00:05:02) – Like, I just believe that I’m a runner. It’s slow, it doesn’t look perfect, but and it doesn’t look like what I thought it was supposed to look like. But it doesn’t take anything away from me because I’ve tried. And if you can start to believe that the effort that you put forward will actually make an impact, that is where the money is, right? That’s where the stuff changes. That is the magic. Okay? When you have a growth mindset, when stuff happens and throws you off, you’re like, oh, okay. And let’s listen. Let’s be real. It’s not like, oh, okay, because your brain’s going to do the inner critic thing, but you can bounce back from it. It’s like, all right, well, this didn’t work out the way I wanted to. Right. And this is really, really key because fixed mindset let me tell you. Right. I messed up today. I don’t know, maybe like six times already this morning I messed something up.

Cara Harvey (00:05:47) – The presentation. Rachael’s presentation I accidentally locked it early. Okay. That was 100% my fault. Like I mess that up. I don’t know how I did. I just wasn’t looking. I wasn’t paying attention. I had too many tabs open. I made a mistake. Right? My fixed mindset would have said, see, I knew you were a failure. You will never be able to be successful in your business. Like, no wonder you’re not a millionaire yet because you make mistakes. Why did we even try to do this summit? I knew that you would fail, right? Like that’s that fixed mindset. Whereas the growth mindset that I work really hard, I work really hard. Right? So it’s not saying that the fixed mindset thought doesn’t come up. It’s saying I work hard on it says I’m human being. I made a mistake and I fixed it. It doesn’t make me any less xyzzy, right? And that is the belief we want you to have, right? The belief that okay, listen criticism a bunch of y’all.

Cara Harvey (00:06:39) – Again it’s feedback I am not. And I’m telling my friends today my inner life friend who is attending the summit, she had said something like live the presentation. So I thought it was gonna be like live. And I was like, nope. And I was like, I made a mistake, whatever. And I said, I’m not arrogant enough to think that, like, oh, well, you guys should have figured it out. It was very clear, right? Like, you know, it’s I can make mistakes, I can do criticism, and I can be like, how can I make it better? If you find yourself struggling with those types of things, you might be struggling with that growth mindset of like, hey, how can I learn? Instead of, oh, I’m just failing. So I really want you to think today. Like, where do you live normally? Do you live in a land of fixed mindset? Do you live in the land of growth mindset like where do you normally sit and if it is on that fixed mindset, like if here’s our spectrum.

Cara Harvey (00:07:24) – If you’re more on that fixed mindset, I want to encourage you today to come over to the growth side. Because when you can start to yeah. Now think about, like Mel said, we’re humans, we make mistakes. And it’s easy to say, but don’t we hold ourselves to these unrealistic perfectionist standards? Anybody else like I am not perfect. I know it in my logical brain. I said this Monday, maybe. Maybe it was, I don’t know, I said. I said, hold on, I have anxiety brain and I have truth brain. Truth brain knows I’m not perfect. Anxiety brain says this is how I am. Literally one of my inner life friends was on the Monday session and I spilled the coffee. Does anyone know when I spilled coffee all over my shirt in the middle of my session and she was laughing about it. She’s like, I thought that was hilarious. And I was like, because that’s me, right? Like that. That I literally who I am. And I think in society, we show up in this place where we feel like if we’re not perfect and polished and together all the time, we can’t have an impact.

Cara Harvey (00:08:14) – But in in truth, we matter, we’re flawed and we still make a difference. Right? Like, you don’t have to be perfect. Like those things can coexist together. And so I want you to think about this standard. You’re maybe holding yourself to and and ask yourself, is this a fair standard? No, no it’s not. And how can I work on it. And that’s what we’re going to really talk about today. Does anyone else struggle with that perfectionist thing? I see Brittany is like, yup, I feel like I should be perfect. Yeah. Oh thanks, Danny. Yeah. I mean, like I, like I mentioned, if you are cool with them, perfect. Like we’re on the right place. I’ve messed up so many links, so many, so many mistakes, so many mistakes this week. And I just I have to take it in stride. I didn’t though, and I’m gonna lie, before we got on this, I messaged my team and I was like, I’m at a bad mood right now and my inner critic is very loud.

Cara Harvey (00:09:04) – And I’m gonna talk to you today about we’re going to name your inner critic today, and I’m gonna show you how I got out of that bad mood because I was cranky, like literally 20 minutes before this I was done. I was like, oh, I was real mad. And I was upset and I had all these feelings because, again, the feelings will still happen. It’s about your rebound. It’s about your bounce back. It’s about how you can acknowledge this is where I’m struggling. This is where I’m going. Okay. So how do we do that? How do we start getting this growth mindset challenges are exciting, right? We have to start thinking like, I’m excited for a challenge. I’m excited to try something new. I’m excited to fail. When is the last time you picked up a hobby or something? You weren’t going to be that you didn’t know how to do as an adult? We don’t do that right. As adults, we feel like we should know how to do things.

Cara Harvey (00:09:47) – This is the thing I talked about Monday, how sometimes you’ll be like, oh, I want to watch this meal planning lesson. But like, I’m embarrassed because I should know how to meal plan because I’m like a whole grown up, right? But also not true, right? Embrace the challenge. I’m learning some crafting. I just learned how to latch. Okay, sure, I’m gonna learn how to cross stitch and crochet next. Super fun! Also going to be frustrating because I don’t know how to do it. Pick up something where you can find that challenge. We have so many members of the Purpose Driven Club who pick up these like random hobbies I’m thinking about. I don’t know, because Harrison is one of our members and she ice skates, figure skates, and I love it. And I’m like, yes, do something that is not going to be easy for you because that challenge helps you grow, right? And when stuff sets you back, like I said, I was in my fields today and I had to stop and embrace the setback and say, where can I go from here? Okay.

Cara Harvey (00:10:32) – And I think this is a key one, focusing on the effort and not the completion. We always say that there’s two types of goals, or at least I always say, and the purpose of what I’m calling like we like collective, but I say this you have your goal that you want to accomplish, and then you have the the goals along the way, the benchmarks. Right. There are two different things. Yes, I want to talk about my runs right. Like I want to finish my running plan. But really every run I set up for I am like, let’s go. Congratulations, I’m proud of you. And I talk to myself at the same time. I’m like, way to go, you’ve got this right. Learning from that criticism again, we get feedback and most of you, 95% of you are really kind people. And then there are some people who have come at us, not very kind this week, which is fine. Like it’s a you problem. I try to remember like everybody has their own things that they’re going through.

Cara Harvey (00:11:23) – So I am in, you know, our team is an easy scapegoat on the other side. But it doesn’t mean that I can’t learn from what they’re sharing, right? And also see other people doing things. And instead of saying, oh, good for them. Like, I could never do that, right? Ask, hey, how did they do that? Right? Like I’m an open book. You have questions about how we run these summits all these years. Go for it. I’d love to share it with you. Right. Learn from other people’s success and you can start to think, how can I move forward? Okay. Once again, we pause and invite you to get my brand new reading tracker and planner. One of the cool things we’re doing here at APM is monthly. I’ll be coming up with a new printable to help you with your goals, and I’m a huge reader, so I made this for myself and thought, let’s put it together for our audience. If you go to a purpose driven romcom slash reading tracker, you can grab this using the code Pod ten and get it for only $10.

Cara Harvey (00:12:14) – This printable reading tracker has challenges, trackers, goal setting, and some fun gamification to make your goals a little bit more achievable and a lot more fun. Again, go to a purpose driven romcom slash reading tracker and use the Code Pod ten to get it for only $10, only for podcast listeners of the Purpose Driven Month show. So we’re going to talk now about the inner Critic. It’s one of my favorite things to teach because the inner critic is so prevalent in everything we do. And I can’t teach every little piece of the mindset works that I teach in my programs. But I felt like this was a good one to teach for summit because again, as you’re going through some sessions, you’re going to start to have that voice that comes up and what we’re going to do is we’re going to name them, we’re going to identify them, and we’re going to work past them. Okay. So my first question to you today is what are those fears? What sorts of things that are going on in your head that are holding you back from going after your goals, whatever goal you’ve set for yourself for the rest of the year, put one in your head, one that maybe you haven’t accomplished.

Cara Harvey (00:13:15) – You don’t have a plan for, like, put it up in your head and then I want you to ask yourself, like, what is that fear? What is it? And I did a whole podcast episode. It’s going to air in a couple of weeks on this. But is it failure? Is it success? Is it judgment? Is it not doing it perfectly? There we go. Messing up, looking silly like that’s a big one for us when it comes to those hobbies, right. Fear of taking time away from other things that I need to do, not having the education or like fear of just like not knowing the steps. Yeah. Here’s that’s so great Jamie. Right. Once I start, I’m stuck. I will have to keep up that hard work. Yeah. Fear of like is it going to be like push, push, push all the time. Like sometimes I’m like, I don’t want to go after this goal because it’s going to be hard and I just don’t have the energy for hard right now.

Cara Harvey (00:13:57) – Okay. Yes. Well, fear of letting your family down. Fear of letting yourself down. Okay. And the other day I talked about like coming up with like what are the obstacles, right. Like, what are the things that are going to get way of you showing up for summit before you kind of go after your plan and any goals? I want you to ask yourself, like, what am I afraid of? with this goal, what is really sticking out for me that’s saying, hey, I am afraid to go after this goal. I don’t think I can do it. I’m really struggling here and name it. Let’s just name it early on. Because when we can name it, we can create a plan around it. Now I want to talk about the inner critic. If you’re a purpose driven club member, you’ve probably watched this video. So I want you to lean in because your inner critic can change. And I’m going to teach you a little bit about this inner critic that lives inside of our brain.

Cara Harvey (00:14:40) – That is really it’s kind in the way that it’s trying to keep us safe. The inner critic’s job is to keep us safe, but it does it in this super nasty way. Have you ever heard the phrase like we have a phrase at the club? Like, stop talking about my friend like that and we say it to each other. Often people call me out to when we start to hear the inner critic come up for them. Like, if I was to say something and it was very you could tell it was negative. It was coming at myself. Club members, everybody’s got full permission to say, even to me, stop talking about my friend like that, because you would not speak to your friends or your kids the way that you speak to yourself. But aren’t we unkind? Aren’t we unkind to ourselves? We really beat ourselves up. We really struggle to be nice to to ourselves. And that’s because we have this, this inner critic thing, right? The voices in our head will lead us to fail.

Cara Harvey (00:15:31) – But it’s not because we are a failure, but simply because we are telling ourselves that we are. You are not a failure. And I know it’s hokey, right? Like but like fear or I’m sorry, failure really is just learning. It is a lesson. It’s like, again, I messed up today. I messed up the locking the presentation early. You better believe I learned that. I’m not going to do that again. And I will triple check the five times. Check the page before I lock the presentations. Right? You are not a failure, right? But our brain will try to convince us that we are. And self-talk that negative voice in your head. I don’t know what yours says, but mine’s not nice. Like she’s really not nice. Sometimes it’s just a habit of thinking. It is a way that we have taught ourselves to think, and it is a way that we can. We can change that, right? Not until we name it. Okay. So I want you to ask yourself, like, are you criticizing yourself? Do you put yourself down? Do you talk negatively to yourself? Maybe.

Cara Harvey (00:16:29) – Is that you? Do you make a lot of excuses or blame other people? Or do you tell yourself, like it’s not my fault, like that victim mindset? Or are you telling yourself like it’s going to be okay? Like, do you encourage yourself to learn? Let me know in the chat. Real talk like where do you land? Do you feel like you have more of a negative self-talk or a positive self-talk? I currently am in a pretty good state of positive self-talk, but when I am in the high anxiety moment, that negative man that rears its ugly head. Yeah, just put yourself down a lot. A lot of negative talk. And here’s the thing it’s not our fault. It’s the way that we’re wired based on our past experiences, based on the way we were brought up, based on what we hear from society and outside, you know, factors. Okay. But now that we’re aware of it, it’s now your turn to say, I’m done feeling this way. I’m done having these negative thoughts and allowing them to own me.

Cara Harvey (00:17:21) – And I am ready to move forward. Right. So it’s up to you now. Okay. You have all of the power. And again, if you’re like, no, I can’t change the way I thought I’ve been dealt and I’m gonna tell you, I, I’ve had a lot of stuff I can list through the stuff that I’ve been through in my life and it’s, you know. It has not been easy at all. And I could, and for a long time I stayed in that. I stayed in that negative victim mindset of, well, this is what happened here, here, here and here. Right? You can read about my book, listen to the podcast, you can hear all the things I went through, and I stayed there and I thought it could never get better for me. It would never get better. It’s not my fault if XYZ didn’t happen to me, I wouldn’t have been the person I was. That’s that fixed mindset. And it wasn’t until the growth mindset came that I was like, you know what? This is what’s happened to me and I can’t change it.

Cara Harvey (00:18:05) – But what I can change is the way I respond moving forward. Okay, so we’re going to go through a bunch of personalities. I’m going to explain them to you, and I want you to decide what your inner critic’s personality is. You can have more than one kind of highlight or circle them. Oh no, they’re not on your paper. On your paper. I have a place where you can write down which ones that stand out to you the most. Okay. So I want you to think, which is it? Okay. Are you the warrior? Okay. So if you have an inner critic personality, you often hear the warriors voice. You probably have somebody who just points out everything that could go wrong. Right? So if you struggle high anxiety. Right. Anxiety, fear, you imagine the worst things happening, right? Like it’s never going to go right. You tend to say, what if all the time? But what if this is happening? What if this is going to happen? And listen, I also struggle with anxiety and I see a therapist for it and all those things.

Cara Harvey (00:18:53) – And I still don’t have this what if inner critic, this warrior. But I know that there are moments where I have it. So I mean, if you’re comfortable, you can feel free to drop in the chat if you’re like, yeah, that feels that feels like me, right? Are you feeling stuck and going after your goals because you’re concerned about what could go wrong? Does that own you? Okay, we have a lot of personalities to go through, so I want you to write down if you think warriors, you write down warrior because that could be you. All right. The next one is the critic. This is mine. We name her Julia. She sounds like this. Okay. She is constantly judging and evaluating you based on your flaws or your mistakes or your behavior. Like you make a little mistake. It catastrophize. Okay. Oh, look, you messed up that summit thing. Hey, remember that time you did this and this and this and this and all these things you did wrong, right? Are you the critic? Do you find yourself comparing yourself to other people and just assuming people are going to judge you, right.

Cara Harvey (00:19:49) – So you even don’t speak about yourself. And this is the funniest thing. So this year I feel like I have more in real life people that I know that are attending summit than ever before. Nobody in my real life really understands what I do because I don’t really talk about it. I remember last year I was coaching cheer and my assistant coach came over and we were choreographing the routine, and I was trying to break down practices because I was like, all right, well, if we have whatever ten, eight counts and ten practices, let’s just say whatever ten weeks. If we learn a different eight count each practice, by this time we’ll have it done. She’s like, oh yeah, that makes sense. I mean, yeah, I mean this is like what I teach and stuff. She’s like, what do you do? And I was explaining it to her and I was like, oh, and I wrote a book. So you wrote a book. She was like, you don’t ever talk about it.

Cara Harvey (00:20:28) – And this is what I realized. Julia, my inner critic, was doing, minimizing my own accomplishment because I felt weird about it. I felt like they would judge me, like I was bragging or or anything. And so always assuming somebody else is maybe doing that, or even things like, yeah, like you’re just an idiot, like you don’t know what you’re doing. If you said one of the things I hold you back is that fear of not knowing what you’re doing. Maybe you struggle with the critic. Any critics there, I commiserate. There’s so mean, Julia. She’s so mean. Can’t stand her. All right, we also have the victim. Okay, so the victim, that inner critic tells you that, like. Like you’re hopeless. Things are too hard. There is no point in trying. Fixed mindset. Fixed mindset, fixed mindset. Right? Like you cannot do this. You are making enough progress. It’s too difficult for you. You’re not the type of person who could do this right.

Cara Harvey (00:21:17) – And it also that voice is telling you that something is wrong with you. Like you’re unworthy, you’re incapable. You’re not smart enough. You’re not strong enough. You will never be able to do it. And that there’s all these obstacles in your way, like it’s not your fault. I mean, your kid doesn’t sleep through the night, right? And, you know, this happened to you when you were a child. And now there’s a difference between dealing with, like, the reality of your life and giving yourself grace and having this constant victim, inner critic saying, you can’t do it, you can’t do it. You can’t do it because of everything else going on. When you feel stuck in the victim. Right? If that’s your inner critic personality and you feel stuck there because you can’t do it because of all the things going on, right? That’s when it becomes a problem. Again, difference between grace versus not. Tell me any. You can admit any victim. Is that what’s going on in your head like, well, I can’t because my kids need me here and work needs me here and everything is too much, and I just.

Cara Harvey (00:22:09) – I just can’t do it. But, I mean, it is what it is because this is just what my life is like type of type of mindset. Let me know in the chat. All right. Now we have our perfectionist okay. You know I go between critic and perfectionist and recovering. We’ll use the ING on that one. Right. The perfectionist it pushes you to do better. But even when you do better, it’s never good enough. Now this is where I feel like I can push my. Have to do better, but I will accept. Like, all right, that feels good enough. The perfectionist is like, nope, not good enough. Nope. Not good enough. I have a club member in particular I’m thinking of who’s working on a project, who’s been working on a project for a few years, and we’ve constantly or like, let’s go, baby bird, push out the nest, like, let’s go, let’s go. And I believe the inner critic there is that perfectionist is saying you it’s not good enough.

Cara Harvey (00:22:58) – You have to keep going. You have to be perfect. You can’t submit B-plus work. One of the biggest mindset switches I had was when I learned and realized that B+ work is fine with me, like, I. I would love to submit A+ work every time, but I would rather submit B plus work and actually submit it, then wait and strive for A+ work. Does that make sense? They’re also never let you chill, right? There’s always something you should be doing. You just you can’t have any any mistakes. And then instead of feeling that internal validation pushing you to see like more, I need more likes on my Instagram. I need that raise at work. I need someone to tell me good job if I don’t hear that I’m a good mom, or somebody is appraising my efforts or noticing what I did, it’s not good enough, okay? And acceptance really is important to that perfectionist inner critic. And sometimes it’ll stop you being like, oh, I can’t take action. I can’t do this thing because if I fail, right, people won’t love me, people won’t accept me, people will reject me.

Cara Harvey (00:23:58) – Okay, your voice might sound like I need to do better or I’m not good enough anyway. And listen, I’m a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B, so it’s okay if you find yourself the same. So what do we do? Let’s pause the episode real quick so I can invite you to go check out our newest printable pack that’s over in the App Store, and that is our mental health, self-care, and gratitude tracker. This is perfect for you if you are looking for a variety of trackers to help you journal, reflect, and just take care of your mental health. It’s got 75 printable pages. We’ve got self-care goal sheets, happiness logs, mental health trackers, mood trackers, affirmation, and some other journaling tips for you as well. I made this because I knew I personally needed to be doing a better job at tracking some of my moods, figuring out my mental health issues while I’m in between therapists. And while this isn’t going to replace your therapist, I think it’s a really good tool for you to just pay attention to how you’re feeling.

Cara Harvey (00:24:54) – You get the Self-care planner tips to help you be intentional about that. Guided reflection and gratitude pages, tons of journal prompts, and a variety of trackers just for your mental health. You can go to a purpose driven romcom slash mental health. Check this out right now it is our newest printable we’ve got in the store for you. Go head over and grab it today. Let’s go back. I want to slide through these real quick one more time, and I want you to pick your inner critic. Main personality will say, okay, we’ve got our warrior, we’ve got our warrior, we’ve got our critic, we’ve got our victim, and we’ve got our perfectionists. And let’s say, hard to identify mine. She’s angry at me because I’ve had so much opportunity and I talent, and I haven’t done anything or enough with it. That sounds to me of a mix of a perfectionist, for sure, and maybe a little bit of a critic, let me say. I definitely hear perfectionist in that. And I hear critic.

Cara Harvey (00:25:48) – It’s not good enough. You had all this time. You could have done this. You know, my husband and I talk about this a lot, like financially, like we’ve made a lot of financial mistakes, places we could have saved, silly, silly things we bought, like, you know, stuff like that. And we always like, sometimes we’ll get down on ourselves like, oh, you just wasted like, oh, my God, that was so silly. Why did we do that? Right? That’s that critic saying, you know what you did. It’s not good enough, right? I love that Lillian’s name too. Yep. Patty perfect with her twin, Wanda. Warrior. Yeah, 100%. And Lillian knows because, you know, she’s learned this through the club. But this is how we we push past it. First is. And before we kind of, like, whole. Let me make sure my slides are in the right order. I don’t know if I have this.

Cara Harvey (00:26:27) – Okay. Good. So before we let me give you practical, I’m going to give you silly. I love naming my inner critic. Why? Because it takes and personifies this thing in my voice to being real. And it just sounds silly. And when you can have these pattern interrupts and be like, well, this is silly, then we can move kind of on from it. So I told you, mine is named Julia, which is funny because I have a really good friend, Julia. I don’t know why I picked Julia, it just came up to me whatever you want. And whenever I hear her coming up, I’ll be like, Julia, that’s enough. Like. Julia, stop. And I say it out loud. I talk to myself all day long here. I’m always just. I literally before we got on this. I’m so embarrassing, but I don’t care. I was grumpy, I was like, super cranky about messing something up. And I was like, I need to get over it.

Cara Harvey (00:27:09) – So I put on music, which is like one of the things that pulls me out of my funk, and it helps me get in a better mood. I have a playlist on Spotify. If you don’t have a playlist for yourself, mine is called You Are Awesome and it has all the songs that just like Make Me feel better. I put on my playlist. I went outside and I did a two laps around my pool, so I got like a vitamin D walk and I kind of brought it in and to like, help myself. And then I came in and I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, you know what you’re doing? It’s okay to make mistakes, go make an impact on these people. And I said, okay. And I got up and I said, we’re not listening to Julia. And I know it sounds silly, but it really, really helps kind of make me go from like, is this me or is this Julia? So when you hear your inner critic coming up, what I want you to ask yourself is, is this true? Okay.

Cara Harvey (00:27:56) – And this is always is this true or is this Julia? Nine times out of ten, it’s Julia is Julia. She is just in my head. Right? Like Julia is going to be like, everyone thinks you’re so unprofessional because you took the presentation down early. Is that true? No. Maybe 1% of people maybe think that. Maybe less, but not everyone. Okay. Does it make me unprofessional that I made a mistake? No. It’s fine. I’m a human being, right? Is it true? Is this a true voice or not? And then I always like to ask, where is this coming from? Okay, so where is this voice coming from? I’m going to give you I’ll give you this example about taking the presentation down. So this is obviously top of mind for me, but where is this coming from? It’s coming from the 1% of emails we get. I had one one. I just opened my inbox up. This is the worst event I’ve ever been to. I’m so frustrated.

Cara Harvey (00:28:47) – I don’t know why he refund her doing this. You know, like it was something. It was great. It was like, you know, you know, these emails that are just nice, they’re really nice. So then we take that and then we explode it. Right? It’s coming from the fact that, like I got some criticism, which honestly, not all of it is, is bad. Like if someone is having trouble getting to understand how to get to the presentation, I want to solve it for them. So again, I don’t want to take it personally. I want to say, what can I do? But I was before this, I was in my fields, I was taking a super personally and I had to walk up, still walk through these steps to get myself out of the funk and remind myself that it’s okay. Okay, so I know where it’s coming from. And then the other question of, well, can I disprove this? Well, no. Look, Mila just said great summit.

Cara Harvey (00:29:34) – See, I can just prove it easily, right? Not the worst summit in the world. We’re great. Okay. But when you go through these motions with whatever, I can never run. I couldn’t write the book. I’ll never be able to get my house in order. I’m a hot mess. Like, whatever the phrase is, you find yourself saying, when you go through this and you say name inner critic Julia, is this true? Where is this Julia? And then ask yourself, like, why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking this way? And then also saying like, but can I, can I disprove it? Like, is it, is it real or is it not real? Okay. And when you do this, you sort of pull yourself out of a funk, right? When that inner critic starts like. Pulling you off off your gold journey. And I want you to start taking this into practice throughout the week and moving forward, but also couple it with activities like let me find some good books, like I have some books and some podcasts things.

Cara Harvey (00:30:23) – I’ll give you a couple recommendations. One really good book for this is called Mirror Work like a mirror that you look at by Louise Hay. It’s a 21 day book where she walks you through, essentially like unmasking the inner critic. She doesn’t call it that, but like, that’s pretty much what you’re doing. And it comes with like a meditation and literally things that you say to yourself in the mirror, which is really important, eye to eye. Like I went into that mirror and I just now was like you. Are making a difference in people’s lives. Continue. Look, you just have to talk to yourself that way all day long, right? Because here’s the thing you’re going to find to just not an inner critic, but a critic in general. The more that you put yourself out there, the more that you try different things. Apply for volunteer positions, go for a raise at work. Do anything. Work on a goal. The more that you’re like, I’m going to start talking about the garden and I need to get there into my garden.

Cara Harvey (00:31:15) – But the more you go out there, like, I’m going to do this thing this year, the more critics you’re going to get, including the one in your head, because you’re getting these external critics, because you’re the one putting yourself out there. I volunteer for Girl Scouts, right? I’m a Girl Scout leader. Lots of people have lots of opinions about what I do. When I coached here last year, it was my first time coaching chair. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sure there were lots of opinions about it, but I was the one in the arena. Brené Brown talks about the arena, right? It’s like a I think it’s a Theodore Roosevelt quote where he says, like, don’t basically like, don’t take the opinion of anyone unless they’re in the arena. If they’re not putting themselves out there, if they’re not even trying, like your opinion is cool, but like, I’m not gonna take it to heart, right? Because you’re not even putting it out there.

Cara Harvey (00:31:55) – The people. Sorry. Now I feel like I’m ranting because of, like, stuff in my personal life right now. But the people that come at you the hardest are the people that most of the time are the people that don’t even try themselves. Right? The people that will come at you with the way you do things, the goal you’re working on, oh, you’re running. So that means, you know, distance running. I shared this other day like it takes me a long time because I’m slow. So I need like two hours to finish my run and cool off before I can shower. Oh, you take that time away from your kids. You start this business when you should be doing like they’re not even putting themselves in the arena. So we have external critics, which we cannot control. Okay. There’s a really good book that’s called Drive Your Own Darn Bus. I can’t remember the author. We read it in book club last year and she talks. I’m going to listen to this book again.

Cara Harvey (00:32:38) – Actually, she talks about this right. Like that, that we can’t control the way people think, act or feel. But what we can control is how we process and how we change our feelings and our emotions. Okay. Like your emotions and your and stuff like all of that is completely valid, right? The way that you feel, feeling frustrated about whatever you want to feel about like upset because of, you know, whatever it is, it’s valid. But if it’s not true, then it’s not helpful. And the only thing I am in charge of controlling is how I respond to it, how I show up, what I do with it. All right. And I want you to just I don’t know, that wasn’t even planned, but that’s what I wanted you to say today. I’m like, this is a good question. So how do you know if it’s an inner critic or not, like when the Warriors fears are possible. So I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way to know if like, is this my inner critic or am I just scared? You know, I think you ask yourself that question.

Cara Harvey (00:33:32) – And also it’s okay to be scared, right? Fear and excitement. I used to tell my cheerleaders all the time, fear and excitement are the same thing. They’re just processed differently in your brain like they’re the same emotion. But your brain can either take it and be afraid or it can be excited, you know? And so I think it’s it’s really important to remember that because feel the fear and do it anyway or whatever the cheesy thing is. But honestly, it’s true. Like, yes. And again, the reason I said in the beginning, the inner critic comes from this part of your brain, the reticular activating system, trying to keep you safe. This is our safety net, okay? The inner critic is trying to keep me safe. Well, if I make her think she can’t do it, then she won’t try. And then she won’t fail, and then she won’t feel embarrassed or or whatever the whatever feeling it is. So it’s good intentions, right? But my brain is perceiving it differently, which is why it’s different in everyone’s brain.

Cara Harvey (00:34:26) – Okay, so why are we talking about this now? Well, because like as soon as someone is done, something’s going to happen, right? So I want you to ask yourself, like what challenges are going to get in my way post summit? Well, I’ve got all these things I want to do. And now it’s spring sports season, so I don’t have a lot of time or let’s say Friday at least she’s talking about the garden, right? Like I see this presentation about gardening and I wanted to start a garden, but I don’t know if I’m going to have the time for it or we’re traveling all summer, so I won’t be able to do this. I want you to think now, like, what are the challenges? So when you watch these sessions this week, when you watch these presentations, you stop yourself and you’re like, cool. What’s my obstacle? Like, what’s my challenge? Right? And where do I go from there? Mel? Can I use this example? This is good, right? She said, I want to start a garden, but I have a black thumb that with love, I tell you, is a fixed mindset.

Cara Harvey (00:35:18) – But here this goes back to the question of what’s reality versus my mindset, right? There’s also some things that some of us just aren’t good at, right? There’s always something like, you can do anything when in reality everyone shouldn’t be doing everything. We need to be in our zone of genius. So it’s identifying of saying, like, if it’s something that you’re like, if you genuinely would love to do something, I do think and encourage you to reach out, right and say like, hey, maybe I can take a I took a course in gardening. Like maybe I could learn, but if it’s something you’re like, this would be nice to do, right? This would be nice to do, then maybe it’s not for you, but if it’s something where you’re like, I desperately like, I would love to write a book, but I could never if you ever hear that voice, but I could never. That’s the inner critic, right? But if it’s something you’re like, oh, that would be cool.

Cara Harvey (00:36:05) – But I’m okay if I don’t write like it’s different. But think about it. Think through. I also want you to start thinking about like, what time of day do you feel the most overwhelmed and why? When you can identify this, then we can make a plan around it. I always share that. Like that 330 when I pick up my kids. Like really, 3 to 6 is like the worst time in my house. I’m picking up the kids and we’re rushing around and we gotta get dinner. We gotta go to activities, you know? And we’re all over the place, right? I know that this is a time of day that I struggle, and if I know this is the time of day that I struggle, then I want to make a plan so that my inner critic can’t get in my head from 3 to 6 and be like, you don’t have anything together. I can have this ever happened. You can have the best day, the best day ever. And one thing go wrong and all of a sudden you’re the worst at everything, right? I can have a great day.

Cara Harvey (00:36:53) – Today can be great. And then, you know, something happens. I snap up my kids after school because I’m overwhelmed, and then all of a sudden I’m the worst. I’m a terrible person and the worst mom ever. And I get right. So if you can pre identify when you’re going to feel the most overwhelmed, then you can start to make a inner critic proof plan around it okay. And I want you to ask yourself this. When we’re talking about obstacles, are there tasks that seem to take a little bit longer than you know than they should? Okay. Are there tasks that you feel like you’re procrastinating on or you’re not getting started? I should before the club member in the book, right? Are there tasks that are taking long? That’s where maybe you could say, hey, maybe the inner critic is getting in my head here. Maybe this task is taking really long because of the voice in my head forcing me to procrastinate. Oh good. I see some sound issues. You’ve sorted it.

Cara Harvey (00:37:43) – Excellent. Yes. When in doubt, refresh. So these are some good questions to ask yourself. Okay, let me see where I’m at time wise. Oh, I knew them. All right. I also want you to start thinking through Post Summit. If you have any events coming up that might throw you off from attacking these goals that we’re setting, right. Do you have anything again? Like, I know that during summit season, I’m not teaching my season’s method at this summit, but I have a method about the four seasons because this is a push season for me. And I know that during a push season, it doesn’t make sense to have other goals. So do you have some things coming on that could potentially derail you from your plan? Think through these things now. So as you’re going through the rest of the week, which I know I thought this session was on Wednesday, it was like, oh, it’s perfect midweek session, but today is Tuesday. So if you saw anything that said Wednesday, that was again my mistake.

Cara Harvey (00:38:30) – My poor team. They were like panicked. They were like, is it Wednesday? Is it true? I was like, nope, I just make tons of mistakes because I never because I’m a flawed human being. But as we’re getting to the end of this, this is the week coming on that side. What are some things that could kind of throw you off or get in your way? Essentially. Right. Coming up with this plan, I think, will allow you to feel more in control of what’s going on. Okay. What can you do to set yourself up for success, to say, what am I going to do when the inner critic pops up and says, I can’t do it? Or my partner isn’t supportive of a goal that I set, or I feel overwhelmed because I don’t have enough time asking yourself now what you can do to set yourself up for success post summit is going to help it become a little bit more easy. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of The Purpose Driven Mom Show.

Cara Harvey (00:39:23) – If this episode served you in any way, we would really appreciate it if you headed over to wherever you listen to podcast, hit that five star and leave a review and a rating. That’s how more moms can find us and we can grow our community. If you had a tip or an Make sure you come over and tag me at a Purpose Driven Mom on Instagram and share it with your friends. The best way for us to get this message out there of less hustle and less shame and more intentionality, is for you to share it with people you know need to hear it. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you and I can’t wait to connect with you more outside of the podcast.


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