Cara Harvey (00:00:03) – Welcome to the Purpose Driven Moms show here at A Purpose Driven Mom, we believe that it’s possible to manage your home, work on your personal goals, and grow and scale an online business. Most productivity tips out there tell you to hustle more and make you feel shame about not being motivated enough. And we’re here to dispel this myth. I’m Kara Harvey and I am on a mission to help work at home. Moms realize that they have the power to go after their dreams, take care of themselves, and manage their home without perfectionism, guilt, or having to sacrifice their sleep. If you’re ready to shift your thinking around productivity and get some practical tips to help you manage your mom life, toss your earbuds in while you fold the laundry. And let’s do this! Welcome to the Purpose Driven Mom Show, episode 416. I hope you’re having a good summer. We’re kind of smack dab right in the middle of it, and I wanted to talk to you today about how do you set some boundaries so that you can work from home? Whew! This summer I’m recording this before summer has officially started.

Cara Harvey (00:01:01) – Today is actually the last day of school for my kids. It’s June 7th, but this is coming out mid to the end of July because, well, I created a boundary for myself, which was that I was going to record all my podcast episodes while they were at school or camp. So once I finish this one, I’m really proud of myself. I have about five more to go, and I’ll have all of summer done, and I’m going to work on them. Not next week because we’re going camping, but the week after. So I don’t actually know how things are going to go, but I’m going to give you some predictions today. Show notes are going to be over at a Purpose Driven mom.com/podcast for one six. And we’re going to talk about the boundaries. Now. Why this is so important in particular for me is because the summer plan that I made for myself, it was wonderful friends. I had a chart. It was beautiful. I scheduled things and like, you know, I always say it doesn’t really matter all the time.

Cara Harvey (00:01:46) – Would you schedule is about your intention because everything changed last summer. We’ll go back a couple summers ago. My kids went to camp the entire summer. Our summer looked exactly like our school year because my head was like, I have to work, I have to work, I have to work, right? So they went to camp 9 to 3. They had a wonderful time. I love camp, it’s great for them, their explore interests and things like that. And I worked and that was what Summer felt like. And then last year I said, oh, it’s my last summer before my little guy’s in kindergarten. I don’t want to have summer start at 4 p.m., right? Like I want to have summer start and enjoy it. So last year we did kind of an a la carte summer because the camp that I loved was you pay for the whole summer. So I found a bunch of camps. They went every few weeks. I think we had six weeks on camp, four weeks off camp, and those four weeks they were off camp.

Cara Harvey (00:02:33) – We were either on a trip or I had planned some stuff, so it was really nice this summer, wanted to keep that up. So we went five and five. That was my original plan. Five weeks where they were at camp so I. I could have five weeks where I was getting work done. I could focus during those five weeks and things like that, and then five weeks where there was no camp. We had a couple vacations planned. It was a little bit more on me, obviously, because I wouldn’t be able to work as focused. I was good, and then I had everything. Everything’s scheduled because you know me, right? So it was booked by January. I was like, where are we going? What camp? You know, I exaggerate a little, but I had it all pre-planned. And then I started to lose my deposits because life changed. So originally I had my daughter at camp one week. It was the week she was getting her braces. I didn’t want her to go to camp that week in case she was like feeling uncomfortable and things like that.

Cara Harvey (00:03:17) – I don’t know. From what I hear now, everyone was like, she would have been fine, but I didn’t want to do it. So I tried to move some things around how to lose the deposit at that camp. But now she’s home. Okay, fine, it is what it is. I then realized that one of our trips got changed, that I didn’t realize, and I had to move camp. Then we lost another week. My son this summer, he’s getting his tonsils out and has to have his fourth set of ear tubes, which is just wild to me. So he’s got to have surgery, and they said up to two weeks of recovery. So I said, what do you think, camp? No camp. I wouldn’t put him in camp because you just don’t know. There goes another week. Right. And so our schedule got moved and moved and moved, and now we’re at the point where my kids will both be at camps two full weeks, like 9 to 3 together at the same time.

Cara Harvey (00:04:00) – Right? They both go to camp together one time. And then my daughter does overnight camp, which at the time this is aired, it’s happened. So hopefully we’ve survived and I didn’t miss her too much. And my son will be at a camp and then they both do a half day like VBS. Okay. And that is all they have together. The week my son is recovering, I decided to let my daughter go to camp and I would just keep him home. So she’s going to camp by himself. And then my son has a basketball camp that my daughter didn’t want to go to later in the summer. It’s like a half day camp that he’ll do by himself. So that is it. Now. June is pretty nice. My kids had a week of school and then two weeks of camps. I was able to work July and August don’t look like that, right? And so in order to be able to work, I needed to set some boundaries. And I need to kind of keep firm with them.

Cara Harvey (00:04:42) – And so if you’re working from home or even if you, are working on a project so you have something you want to get done around the house, I think these boundaries can help you. All right. So we talk a little bit about why we need them, some strategies for kids, how to get your people involved, how to make the workspace work for you, and some time management tips today. Let’s start with thinking about how boundaries can help. I’m going to pause to invite you to something brand new. We’re doing here at team ePDM, and that is the very first in-person, purpose driven Mom conference. September 28th and 29th. I am hosting an event right here in Philadelphia that you can attend where we can be together live. The goal of this conference is to help you decide what dreams you want to work on, what goals matter to you, and to really embrace the person you are now in motherhood. We’re going to spend time mapping out the end of your year, creating time blocks for you to work on these dreams and goals.

Cara Harvey (00:05:38) – And I have three incredible guest speakers coming to help you embrace and love your mom life journey and go after your goals and dreams. This event is been on my heart for years, and if you go to a purpose driven romcom slash conference, you can hear and read all about it. And I want to let you know that this event will sell out. We will be capping around 60 attendees, so as soon as it sells out, it is done. I want you to head to a Purpose Driven Mom com slash conference, or check out the Shownotes for the link and come join us in Philadelphia. We are going to have the most incredible experience. It is in September. You have enough time to plan to make it happen, to tell a friend, we cannot wait to see you at the Purpose Driven Mom conference and have some in real life time together again. That’s September 28th and 29th, and you can go to a purpose driven romcom slash conference to learn more. I used to be in a place where I was like, the mommy martyr, right? I would do anything for everyone.

Cara Harvey (00:06:34) – I would drop everything as soon as somebody needed it, and it left me feeling really walked all over. It left me feeling like nobody respected me and I had to do for others. And I’ve been unlearning this behavior where I realized that I need to have boundaries not just with myself, not just with my kids, but also with other people, friends, family, etc. it is very healthy to have boundaries. When you don’t have boundaries, you set yourself up to be that person where everyone’s like, oh, Cara will do it. Cara’s got it. It’s going to be fine. And you start to feel resentful. You start to feel resentful towards other people and you feel resentful towards yourself. This happened to me when I was in network marketing. I had no boundaries. I was like, I can’t go to bed. I have emails to answer, I have Facebook messages. And this was like, right in the heyday of the hey girl message. So, you know, I had hundreds every single day and I was exhausted.

Cara Harvey (00:07:25) – I taught people how to treat me because I was saying, you message me, I will get back to you right away. And it didn’t matter if I was with my family, didn’t matter if it was midnight and I was ready to get in bed, it did not matter. I would answer you immediately. That was really unhealthy, but it taught those people that I will be there at their beck and call. When I was a coach for for my network marketing company, I had a good team, lots of people. I was training them, but I was answering all the questions for them right away. They would ask me something that was Google, Google able Google, you could Google it, right? And I would answer it for them. I was actually taking away that that gift for them to learn how to research things, to learn how to solve their own problems. So when anything happened, it was like crisis time. Cara’s got to handle it, Cara’s got to handle it, and it burnt me out.

Cara Harvey (00:08:13) – It’s why I left network marketing. I was tired of being like the doormat that felt like they got walked over. But here’s the thing, guys. I did it to myself. Now. Yes, there were people who take advantage of you in life, but I allowed it to happen. And it wasn’t until I switched and decided I was not going to be a victim of my time and my space, that I created boundaries that work for me. All right, so I want to talk about a couple sets of boundaries today, and then I’m going to give you some tips on how to do it. Let’s start with not our kids, because I feel like that’s the big one. Can we talk about boundaries that other people with other people in the summer especially? this is really frustrating for me. And it’s no one’s fault, but it’s it’s challenging for people who aren’t in a digital business, who aren’t working from home in the capacity to understand what I do. My friends that get what I do are my friends at high.

Cara Harvey (00:09:00) – They listen to the podcast, watch my YouTube. They’re my friends that attend my events. They’re my friends that see it. I was talking to my sister who came to our simple summer schedule challenge, and she was like, oh my God, I get it right. Like she got to see what I did. Other people don’t really understand, and I don’t know if I probably don’t explain it. And I also compartmentalize. I remember when I coach cheer last year and my assistant coach was over, we were choreographing some routine or whatever, and I was like, okay, great. If this is how many accounts we have in the entire routine and we have ten weeks to learn it, we need to learn this many eight counts for the routine. Each, you know, and she’s like, wow, that’s great. And I was like, yeah, I mean that’s just like what I do for work. She’s like, what do you do? And I told her and I was like, I wrote a book.

Cara Harvey (00:09:39) – She’s like, you wrote a book? Like, I just don’t talk about it. So it’s no one’s fault but my own. But I think that when there are other people who don’t understand your boundaries, it’s hard for them to keep them. So I have a few work boundaries that help me that I’m going to be enacting this summer. Okay? One is when it is work hours for me, it’s work hours. So I have told my mom, my friends, you can message me if you think of things or call me if you want. I’m not going to pick up, but you can message me between the hours of nine. Three. On a work day, I will get back to you after 3:00 or as soon as I can. I think about if I was back at school, if I was a teacher again, and I was in my traditional job, no one would expect me to answer their text message right away. But we live in a culture where we expect instant gratification, right? Just because I have the time does not mean I’m available.

Cara Harvey (00:10:29) – All right. And like might drop on that one. Just because you have the time does not mean you are available. And so I have created these boundaries for myself. And the key here is I’ve communicated them with people. So if I have people who message me constantly during the day, I’ll get back to them when I can. And then I say, hey, listen, I just want to let you know between these hours I’m working. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. And nine times out of ten, people are like, oh, great. Yeah. No problem. Like, people don’t actually care, but we think they care so much. Oh my God, they’re gonna get so mad at me if I don’t respond right away. The people who get mad at you for not responding right away are not the people you need in your circle. If you are going to create a boundary and they are not going to respect that boundary, you don’t need that person as a friend.

Cara Harvey (00:11:11) – Now here’s the thing, I get it, I get it. There’s the guilt trip. There’s all of that. But I want you to create a culture of this boundary. And here’s how I’ve done it with with friends and family and stuff. I don’t know why, but we are an apologetic species, right? As moms, as soon as we can’t do anything, you don’t answer to a text within an hour. Oh, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s always apologizing. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m over apologizing for things. So when I have a friend and I remember you texting about something, and then she didn’t answer for hours. Now, I knew she was going to work, which was fine. And also, I don’t expect her to answer right away. I just assume the best. I assume that if you do not answer my message right away, it’s because you’re busy and you’ll get back to me when you can’t. And so I remember her responding and she said, I’m so sorry I was at work.

Cara Harvey (00:11:58) – I’m going to read through the messages now. And I said, thanks, but don’t apologize. You don’t have to apologize for not answering right away. And she was like, thanks for saying that. Because we don’t live in that culture. We live in the culture of we apologize for not existing within other people’s boxes. I will get back to you when I can. I currently I’m going to check I have a lot 22 unread text messages. I will answer them, but I don’t answer them until it’s time to answer them. The other thing I don’t do is I don’t click on a text message unless I can pay attention. I know that a few of those are from friends who want to make plans this summer, and I want to make the plans, but I need to sit in front of my calendar. So I made a plan today before I picked up my kids to look at my calendar and answer those messages. I am okay with that boundary, and I think that’s important that you create that too.

Cara Harvey (00:12:44) – But you need to communicate that. So when you’re working from home, if you have a day where you’re working, you’ve done a childcare swap. Your kids are at camp, it’s nap time. It’s work time. Take the phone and move it. Put the phone in another room. Don’t feel the need because all of a sudden we’re picking it up. We got to do this. We got to do this. We have to answer that. Create boundaries around when you are using your phone during work and keep to them for yourself. I try, then my phone is here because I don’t. I really do stick to my boundaries when it comes to that, but there are times where it’s harder for me. We’re super addicted to the tech, right? So I’ll just leave it in the other room. I actually love my Apple Watch because I don’t need my phone, and it prevents me from scrolling because you can’t really scroll social media on your Apple Watch. So if someone needs to text me or they need to call me, they can do it.

Cara Harvey (00:13:28) – I can pick up on my watch. So I often leave my phone in another room on the charger. If we’re out of the pool, like I don’t even need it. And it’s freed me up a lot. So I want you to create boundaries around communication. Share them with your people. Right? Say, hey, this is when I’m answering the messages with the other boundary is when you’re working, how you communicate with your clients. Here’s a couple things that we do that I think help we have in a way message that goes up automatically. An autoresponder when you email us and it says, Ria, she’s on my team. She she put this together. But, you know, it says something to the effect of like, hey, thank you for messaging. It’s been received. We work between whatever whatever the hours are that we work, you will get a response between 24 and 48 hours. Thank you for respecting that rate. And then in the autoresponder it has, here are some things that could help solve your problem in the meantime.

Cara Harvey (00:14:20) – Like if you need to log in, if you can’t remember your password, if you have a billing question that way, it filters out and it just says to people, I see you, I hear you. But also we’re a business that doesn’t have a person sitting at the computer 24 over seven. Right. And so we need to communicate that we’re having some problems in customer service when we didn’t communicate that because people wanted immediate response and people were getting nasty. If I didn’t answer within an hour. I sent you an email an hour ago. And listen, we still get it. We had a situation a few weeks ago where somebody emailed multiple times, then they Facebook messaged me Dmed me continuing to email. I emailed you an hour ago, I emailed you an hour ago and this is a no fault to this person, but it’s it’s created because of the non boundary culture we have in businesses. We expect people to jump because we say so. Create boundaries around those things with your clients. I am communicating with my clients when my work hours are over the summer.

Cara Harvey (00:15:13) – I am making sure that I’m showing up for the coaching calls I need to, but telling them this is how it is. That will make you feel so much better right now. How do you even make those work hours? Because that’s really something I want to make sure you do make work hours for yourself this summer, and I know that it can look different for everyone’s schedule, but I’m making my work hours around when I have calls. My rule for myself is if my kids are at camp in those weeks. So really, it’s those two and a half weeks, the two weeks they were together. And now in July, actually, since this is gone, they just finished VBS. So we don’t have I don’t have from now until the end of August, I don’t have one week where my kids are at camp where they’re both gone. So I will not be doing a full 9 to 3 work day at all for the rest of the summer. But what does it look like? Because I still need to get work done.

Cara Harvey (00:16:07) – Let’s pause the episode real quick so I can invite you to go check out our newest printable pack that’s over in the App Store, and that is our mental health, self-care, and gratitude tracker. This is perfect for you if you are looking for a variety of trackers to help you journal, reflect, and just take care of your mental health. It’s got 75 printable pages. We’ve got self-care goal sheets, happiness logs, mental health trackers, mood trackers, affirmation, and some other journaling tips for you as well. I made this because I knew I personally needed to be doing a better job at tracking some of my moods, figuring out my mental health issues while I’m in between therapists. And while this isn’t going to replace your therapist, I think it’s a really good tool for you to just pay attention to how you’re feeling. You get the Self-care planner tips to help you be intentional about that. Guided reflection and gratitude pages, tons of journal prompts, and a variety of trackers just for your mental health.

Cara Harvey (00:16:57) – You can go to a purpose driven romcom slash mental health. Check this out right now it is our newest printable we’ve got in the store for you. Go head over and grab it today. So I’ve identified for myself what those boundaries are first. I am working from 9 to 12 on Mondays. I am working from 11 to 3 on Tuesdays, and I am working from 12 to 3 on Fridays. I’ve committed to those there in my calendar now. The reason I picked those is because that’s when I have calls, right? I have all those Monday calls. I have my coaching calls on Tuesday. I have a coaching call Friday. They’re not the entire block. So I have a little bit of time in the computer work and stuff like that, but I’ve made that. I can’t change that now. There are other things and that I want to get done. There’s other days I want to work. So I might say, okay, I’m also going to work this Wednesday, but but if something comes up, I can move it.

Cara Harvey (00:17:49) – Having those boundaries for myself will allow me to have a little freedom and a little flexibility to know, hey, this is mommy’s work time, all right? And it lets me feel less guilty. I don’t want to be glued to my computer all summer. The reason that I’m able to not be glued to the computer and just check in daily, like, real quick and do a couple other tasks is because of what I’m doing now, which is batch recording. I teach it all in my program. You can go to a purpose driven romcoms, stream to reality, go watch the free workshop. I talk all about this, but I’m able to do that. I knew I wanted to have this boundary in the summer, so I worked ahead of time, I pre-planned and I was proactive about it. I’m working a little bit more now. I’m working a little more focused. It’s my push season to get this done so that I can have a lighter summer where I’m not feeling as stressed out. Now, what do I do though? Because I’m gonna have to work and my kids are going to be home.

Cara Harvey (00:18:39) – Communicate with your kids. Just that mommy is going to get some work done. This is what you’re going to be doing. So here’s what really helps, right? One is I have very clear expectations for my kids. I work in an office, so you might not, but I have a rule if the door is closed, if mommy’s in a closed door meeting, you cannot come in, right? Like, and we’ve had to train this. They’ll open the door sometimes and I’m just like. Gotta go. Sorry, I’m. I forgot I’m recording this for YouTube. So you saw me do it on YouTube, but I wave. Sorry. If you’re on the podcast, I wave and I point to the door and I wave and I point to the door, and then sometimes I have to get up and I get frustrated. But it’s okay. We’ve trained it all right. If mommy’s working in the office and it’s an open door meeting, like I’m not meeting, I’m just working on the computer.

Cara Harvey (00:19:21) – Come on in. Right. And that allows them to know, hey, there’s going to be times right where I can come in, times where I can come in. The other thing that it helps is kind of like telling them what’s coming next. So I might say, let’s say the Mondays 9 to 12. Those weren’t all my calls are okay. My kids are up there playing hey mommy, has I have closed door meetings. So as soon as I’m done with my meetings today, what we’re going to do is we’re going to have lunch and I have a visual schedule, so they know we’re going to have lunch, and then we’re going to head to the library, we’re going to go to the park. We’re going to go out to the pool. All right. It’s communicating with them what’s coming next. And so they know so they can relax a little bit. And I say, what are we doing? What are we doing. And I mentioned the visual schedule. I have a visual schedule for my kids so they know what mommy’s work time is, what we’re doing.

Cara Harvey (00:20:07) – The other thing that’s really important to keeping these boundaries is helping your kids with their independent play. We’ve been working on this since they were little. My kids are really good at independent play most of the time, but you know, they’re older. They want to default to the tech, things like that. So I’ve created for them a list of tech free things that they can do. So when it’s mommy’s work time, I might say that’s when you can have tech, right? For me, it’s easier. Cool. You can have your tech, you can do your thing when it’s I might say it’s a not tech mommy’s doing. Like if I’m on a coaching ball, if I’m on a coaching call. Thanks for sorry workshopping this together, but if I’m on a coaching call, I’m going to let him have the tech. I’m going to be like, you can watch a show play on the switch if I’m not on a coaching call and I just am sitting and working at the computer, I might say that’s a not tech time.

Cara Harvey (00:20:48) – So when mommy has a closed door meeting, you can have tech. When mommy has open door, it’s no tech. So what do they do? They can go over to the list of things I can do, right? And it’s like a board list and it’s got just suggestions. Legos, hot wheels, go play with your perler beads, you know, go make a fort, etc. and they can have those things that really helps them. Also, I would suggest if your kids are a little bit younger, my kids also I use timers with them a lot, so I might put on their tablet a timer, or we have like one of those visual like little clock guys so they know, hey, when this is done, this is when, when you can come in the office. That really helps. Now, what’s harder in the summer is that it’s not the same every single day. So because it’s not the same every single day, when we sit down in the mornings where we’re like starting our day, what we do in my house is we go over the visual schedule for the day.

Cara Harvey (00:21:34) – I kind of have like a week at a glance and I’m saying, hey, this is what we’re doing. I’m preparing them for the day. I think that really helps. I think it’s also important to really reward them for respecting your boundaries. It’s hard to do, so you can come up with some fun things. We have like a little chart where you know if we can, if mommy can get her work done and you can do it, we get a check. And then if we get enough checks, we get to go to Rita’s. It works for us. All right. The other thing I’m going to recommend you do is just making sure you have open communication with other stakeholders. This was something I always share. Like during the pandemic, my husband was home, I was home, and I was getting really annoyed with him because. I was like, I need to work and you’re working and I feel like I’m doing everything. And he was like, well, what do you need? And I hadn’t communicated with him.

Cara Harvey (00:22:16) – I hadn’t told him what I needed. I just was assuming. I was assuming he was going to do things my way. I don’t know why he doesn’t know. I’m just kidding. But I was assuming and this allowed me to create better boundaries because I was communicating with them and stick to them. And he knows this. Everybody knows that he’s not the best at keeping it though. Closed door versus open door. My kids keep it better than my husband, right? But I like to make sure I’m talking about it. If a boundary is crossed, I think it’s important to share it. So again, if I start getting a lot of texts from somebody, right, during my workday and they know, like I’m working right now, like I, you know, I can’t answer your message and I notice it’s becoming a pattern. I just might have the conversation like, oh, hey, I saw your texts today. Like, if I see them later or whatever it is, I saw your texts.

Cara Harvey (00:22:59) – Thank you. Like, for sending them over. You know, we can I’ll catch up on them right now, but just a reminder that, you know, I’m not really answering texts between 9 and 12 or whatever. Now, here’s the thing I want to tell you, though. It’s not their job to know your schedule, right? Like they don’t have a schedule out of what day you’re doing things, so it’s up to you to keep to it. If you answer somebody’s back when they say when you say you’re not going to answer them back, they’re going to be like, well, she doesn’t respect your boundaries, so why should I? I know you got work to get done this summer, right? You got a lot of things that you’re trying to balance. You want to have some fun. So just to recap, I want to encourage you to one, create your boundaries. Now, if you haven’t made them for yourself, for other people, for your clients, for your kids, communicate them with with everyone involved, every single stakeholder, and then work to keep them, that’s the hardest part.

Cara Harvey (00:23:49) – I also just want you to have a good mindset around it. Your boundaries, they will get broken. The kids are home, they’re going to run and they’re going to run into my office. I get frustrated, but I try to remind myself I am fortunate to have created a business or I get to work from home so my kids don’t have to go to camp if we don’t want them to write. Like, you know that reminder of the why now again, the why isn’t the only thing, but it is important. So I do remind myself when I’m getting resentful and frustrated and like, mommy just needs to work. I do it for them. I do it for them. I do it for them. Show notes are the purpose driven mom. Com Slash Podcast 416. Have a wonderful July friends! I hope that the summer is going well for you and we’ll chat soon. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of The Purpose Driven Mom Show. If this episode served you in any way, we would really appreciate it if you headed over to wherever you listen to podcast, hit that five star and leave a review and a rating.

Cara Harvey (00:24:44) – That’s how more moms can find us and we can grow our community. If you had a tip or an Make sure you come over and tag me at a Purpose Driven Mom on Instagram and share it with your friends. The best way for us to get this message out there of less hustle and less shame and more intentionality, is for you to share it with people you know need to hear it. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you and I can’t wait to connect with you more outside of the podcast.