Cara Harvey 00:00:03 Welcome to the Purpose Driven Moms show here at A Purpose Driven Mom, we believe that it’s possible to manage your home, work on your personal goals, and grow and scale an online business. Most productivity tips out there tell you to hustle more and make you feel shame about not being motivated enough. And we’re here to dispel this myth. I’m Kara Harvey, and I am on a mission to help work at home. Moms realize that they have the power to go after their dreams, take care of themselves, and manage their home without perfectionism, guilt, or having to sacrifice their sleep. If you’re ready to shift your thinking around productivity and get some practical tips to help you manage your mom life. Toss your earbuds in while you fold the laundry. And let’s do this! Welcome to the purpose of our Moms Show episode 443. We have another summit sneak peek because I’m doing these interviews and they’re so good. And I need you to hear all the amazing things you’re going to get at this year’s Purpose Driven Moms Summit, which is April 7th.

Cara Harvey 00:00:57 I am so excited for this conversation, in particular with Ashley Buffet. We had her at the summit a few years ago. Having her back at this point in my parenting is actually really fun, because I’m a different parent than I was the last time she was on. I have different issues, my kids are different ages, and she’s talking all about chores. How do we get kids on board? And I was telling her that my oldest, my stepson, he just turned 18. Right. And so I’m I have been with my husband since Dean was three. Right. So the past 15 years and I’ve watched him grow. So now I’m at this interesting, like, intersection of my life where I have a child who’s going to be launching into college, into the real world, into adulthood. And then I still have these younger elementary aged kids, and I can see it. And I keep looking at him like, do you know what to do? Like, are you a did we do enough to like, equip you to be a semi functional adult? Because you can never do enough.

Cara Harvey 00:01:46 Enough. Right. But like can you handle it? And it’s reminding me of all the things that he’s good at. But I look at my little guys and I’m like, are you going to be there too? So this conversation really kind of for me was personally like, hit the nail on the head with what I know I need to do when it comes to my goals. Now this is coming out in January because it’s a sneak peak. Again, show notes are purpose driven. mom.com/podcast 443 so you can check those out. But come join the summit when it when it comes and go check out all things Ashley. enjoy this conversation all about how to get your kids on board with tours without ripping your hair out. All right, welcome back to the Purpose Driven Moms Summit. I’m here with Ashley Buffet, and we are talking about kids and chores and how we don’t have to rip our hair out to make it happen and how it can work for everybody. So, Ashley, thank you for returning to the summit this year.

Ashley Buffa 00:02:31 Yes, thank you for the invitation.

Cara Harvey 00:02:33 For people who aren’t familiar with you, could you kind of give us a Cliff notes a little bit about you and your family?

Ashley Buffa 00:02:39 Sure. I just had my 11th baby last April, so she’s eight months old now, and we married off our oldest son a few months after that. So it was kind of like out with the old and in with the new, you know? So I have experience with children at every stage of life right now. Which is helpful because, you know. Like five, six years ago, I had moms saying, you know, well, what do I do with my adult children living at home? And I’m like, the same thing. And it didn’t really occur to me that there were differences there, but it does now. So yeah. So I have 11 kids. We homeschool, we live out in the country on 11 acres, and the kids are all playing in the snow right now, so that’s fantastic.

Cara Harvey 00:03:19 I love it so much, and I love that you come with this background of all of the different ages.

Cara Harvey 00:03:24 And it is interesting because all like coach through not with kids, but I attract a lot of moms with chronic illness and I like could help them. But like and then I wound up getting very sick last year I had mono and like like I had to deal with some stuff and afterwards I was like, oh, okay, I got it for now. Like, you know, like you get it. But then when you’re there, you’re like, oh, I really have that experience. So I think the moms hanging out with us today are gonna get just a wealth of knowledge from you. So let’s let’s talk about the kids helping around the house chores. All of that. I really want to start with this mindset, because a lot of the moms that come to me struggle with, I have to do everything myself, right? Like I’m doing everything. No one is helping and I don’t know if the right word is that victim mindset, but that’s like the conditioned thought of I, mom, I must do it.

Cara Harvey 00:04:15 So can we talk about like what? The problem, I guess would be with like that kind of thought process.

Ashley Buffa 00:04:22 Sure. So I don’t some for some moms it probably is a victim mindset. I think for most moms it’s a martyr mindset. Like I am the only person who can do this. I will be the hero. I will save the day. And I mean that is true. Like we are moms and we will save the day. But the problem with that thinking is that you start to, you know, you start to feel disgruntled towards everyone who’s then required of you. And, you know, you start feeling the feelings of, well, this isn’t even my mess and I’m picking it up, and why do I have to turn the dirty pants right side out, like, every single time? And why, why, why and. But then, you know, when you’re when you reach the boiling point and you start yelling and everybody’s like, you know, she means business. Now let’s all clean.

Ashley Buffa 00:05:05 Then you’re like, well, you’re not even doing it. Right. So it is it’s a self-perpetuating cycle. And unless you make a pointed effort to step off of the cycle and start doing things drastically different, it’s it’s just going to continue and you’re going to continue getting frustrated. Your your children are going to continue to ignore you until you hit the boiling point. Because why else? I mean, why are they going to you? They know you don’t mean business until you’re screaming, right? So you have to retrain the kids that when I asked the first time, that’s when I actually mean it. Not when I’m screaming. And there’s. But there are a lot of things that have to happen there. And all of it starts with mom, unfortunately, but also fortunately, because that means that it puts you in control. So yeah.

Cara Harvey 00:05:47 And it sounds like a lot of like Deconditioning, I guess is probably the right word of our mindsets around what it looks like because we, you know, I deal with the same me stomping my feet around in my own home, too.

Cara Harvey 00:06:00 And I realized that through my own processing slash therapy through it. For me, it was like this control issue of like, nobody can do it like I will. And my therapist actually pointed out to me, she’s like, well, where do you leave room for other people to lead in your house? And I was like, oh, shut up. But also, yeah, right. Like that. That’s it. So can we talk first about this like control thing that is probably impacting a lot of moms and how we can start to break free of it.

Ashley Buffa 00:06:27 Yeah. So I mean think back to we, we we have to kind of go back to go forwards. Where did we learn this as moms? Well, we learned it from our own moms because our own moms did the same thing. You know, like, I mean, I know I never took my mom seriously unless she had raised her voice or was like slamming something down on the counter. So we learned how to do that honestly.

Ashley Buffa 00:06:49 And so we have to decide, you know, this is not the way I’m going to communicate with my family any longer. Also, I need to let go of this because I’m actually not as special as I’d like to think that I am. I’m not the only person who can wipe a counter and, you know, like kind of get get a grip, basically. And, you know, that’s kind of harsh language, like get a grip, lady. But also we need to talk to ourselves sometimes like that because we’re not the only person that can wipe a counter. We’re not the only person that can sweep before. These are jobs that a three year old can master. We have to be willing to take the time to show them, and then to follow up and to do it all patiently with a good attitude. Because if we don’t do it patiently and with a good attitude, our children are certainly not going to do it with a good attitude. We’re modeling the behavior for them. So there’s a lot of things that still keeps us in control because, I mean, we’re the manager of it all, so we have to have a level of control.

Ashley Buffa 00:07:51 But it’s not one of those things like, oh, well, my kid just can’t grasp how to sweep the how to sweep the floor, so I can’t let them do that. Well, no, mom, you’re kind of letting your child down because you’re letting them get away with that. You’re not requiring more of them. You know, think of it in terms of, like, grades at school. You know, if your kid comes home with a D on a test, are you are you like, well, my kid just can’t do it. That’s the best that he can do when you know that that’s not true. No, that’s not what we do. At least it’s not what we should be doing. you know, we should be. Okay. Well, what do we need to do here? I’m going to help you, you know, learn how to do these math problems correctly. If I can’t do it, I’ll hire a tutor. You know, like, we don’t accept that.

Ashley Buffa 00:08:37 And basically any other area of our child’s life, you know, if we want the best for them, you know, if our kid wants to play baseball and then goes out and just does a really poor job because they’re being lazy. Are you going to be like, well, maybe baseball’s just not your thing, or are you going to be like, no. Like we need to work on this work ethic here a little bit. So we have to think of it in terms of, of what we want for our kid. And we also don’t want our child to grow up and be a slob. They haven’t learned good habits as a child. So if we know that that’s not what we want for them, when are we going to start teaching them not to be a slob like it starts today.

Cara Harvey 00:09:15 Yeah. You know what’s interesting. So my oldest just turned 18 and my youngest is seven. And it’s so interesting now being on this side of it for him of seeing like oh he’s like about to go.

Cara Harvey 00:09:26 Does he know how to do this. I was like I was like is he. And there are things he does not know how to do because we did not equip him. And so now I look at my seven year old and I’m like, let’s make it look like, let’s figure this out because and I think it’s it’s not until you get there that you realize maybe a cell like this in our brains, right? The sacrificing for the kid of mom’s gonna do it all. Like I’m giving them this gift and things like that. But in the long run, it’s it’s not. It’s just enabling them to not be good grown ups. You have to.

Ashley Buffa 00:09:57 Guess because it does not help them at all. It it frustrates them as adults if they realize it, you know? I mean, like some. I’m just gonna say it. Some people are naturally messy and they don’t even realize it. I have two kids that are like this, you know, they’re just like, what? What do you mean? Like, they just.

Ashley Buffa 00:10:14 They don’t comprehend. But for the kids that, like, realize I’m a mess and I don’t know how to fix it, like, that’s not a nice way to send them off into adulthood. Like, you know, equip them, teach them so that they have a smoother transition. Wouldn’t we want our kids to have a smoother transition into adulthood? I mean, yes, the answer is yes. And for the ones that are naturally messy, they’re just the ones that need checklists. And this is what you do. And just do it like, you know, just do it.

Cara Harvey 00:10:41 Yeah, well, I think the, the challenge here also becomes. And I find this for myself too, is there’s the front loading. Right. Like, if I’m teaching my child how to do something, if they’re taking on something, if we’re adding a routine, I have like my daughter is nine and we started this yesterday with washing her face before bed because it wasn’t something she was doing in puberty. And I was like, all right, I’m terrible washing my face.

Cara Harvey 00:11:02 So I was like, let’s start now, right? Because I see all the things I wasn’t taught. And so yesterday I had to like, sit. And it took so much longer than I would have liked it to have taken. But I had to remind myself of like, this is worth it. So let’s talk about that concept of like the amount of time and like the front loading that needs to happen because I think a lot of us think cool New Year. I just told my kids, we’re doing these tours, they’re in charge of this. I’m gonna teach them once and we’re good. But we know that that’s not sustainable and factual. It’s not. If you are a mom who wants to start a business and you need help and you want to go from chaos to clarity, I want you to go over to a purpose driven mom com slash business planner and get my new ultimate Digital planner for business owners. I’ve got client profile pages, business breakdowns, promo planners, goal setting, social media, and more.

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Ashley Buffa 00:12:33 It’s not sustainable with any habit. It’s not sustainable with losing weight and fitness. It’s not sustainable with, you know, keeping the house clean. It’s not. It’s not sustainable with anything. The way to build a habit is one step at a time. And it’s the same thing with our kids. We cannot all of a sudden come up with 20 different chores that we want our children doing daily and just hand them the list and being like, and this starts today.

Ashley Buffa 00:12:56 I mean, because first of all, you have to you have to teach the kid how to do it correctly. That’s step one. Step two. The child then has to do it. But then step three, you have to come back and inspect it. So that’s actually a lot of work, not just for the kid but also for mom. So it’s not just your kid building new habits when you are having them start doing chores. It is also mom building new habits, which is, you know, first teaching them how and then inspecting the work. Because here’s the here’s the God honest truth here. If you do not inspect their work, they are going to do subpar work. It might not be week one. It might not even be week two. If you have a perfectionist, it might not even be week three. But by week four, if their work is not being inspected, they are going to start cutting corners and slacking off. And by the time you get to week six, it’s going to look like they’re not doing anything at all, because they’re not because they know you’re not checking.

Ashley Buffa 00:13:51 I mean, this is human nature here that we are dealing with. And I mean, if I were in that situation, I would be doing the same thing if someone gave me a list of things to do and they were not checking whether I would do it or not, I’d probably do it occasionally, but I certainly wouldn’t do it as often or as well as it should be done. And our kids are not subhuman. They’re not better at things than we are, so we have to build that in for them. We have to build accountability in for them. But I recommend starting with one chore at a time. And once they’ve got the hang of it, and once I’ve got the hang of inspecting it regularly, then we can add another and another. And it takes. Does it take time? Yeah, it does, but by the time you get to week six, you have six chores going simultaneously instead of 20 chores not getting done at all. So it actually, you know, it works a lot better.

Ashley Buffa 00:14:42 Just like it does any have it? Any person in the whole entire world is trying to build. You can’t just start.

Cara Harvey 00:14:48 No it don’t. We like we know it, but we ignore it. I was reading something and it said that the second Friday in January is like, you know, they have those, like fake holiday. I guess they’re real. But like it’s quit day and it’s when most people quit on their resolutions because. And so it’s it’s funny because I teach goals, right. Like it’s we know it. We know how habits work, but we still put so much on our plates and especially like, like you’re saying, this isn’t just the habit of the kid does the chore because it’s also adding on our plate. So do you have any recommendations as you’re saying this, I’m wondering, we’re like to start like, how do I pick what chores I’d like to like, help equip them with? I was going to say the word offload, but we’re going to be positive. It is.

Ashley Buffa 00:15:31 100%.

Cara Harvey 00:15:32 Awesome. And you know a little bit about yeah, how do we pick where to start. Because for me and I’m, you know, personally I’m just like again my kids seven nine not so much worried about the 18. Like we’ve got a lot going on there and and things I’m thinking about my smaller people. I have them in my brain. So I’m personally just like coaching myself here today. But like, there’s so much I want them to learn how to do. There’s so much. And especially because like I said, he just turned 18. So my brain’s like, the time is going so fast and I can’t. I don’t have enough time to teach them everything. Like how do I pick where to start?

Ashley Buffa 00:16:00 Okay, so this is going to be different for each mom because we all have different priorities. We also all have chores that we like to ignore ourselves. Like I’m speaking for myself here. So I would say start with what is the easiest? Because again this is this is habits here.

Ashley Buffa 00:16:18 So do we want to start with the hardest habit? No, we want to start easy. We want to get some quick easy wins. So you know a good place to start if your kids are doing absolutely no chores whatsoever, a wonderful place to start is to teach them to sweep the floor and have them sweep, you know, around the dining room table after one meal and do a really good job. You know, that means pulling the chairs out and getting underneath the table and everything. You know, sweeping is a basic job that you have to learn how to sweep before you can learn how to mop. So it’s a good starting spot. Another good starting spot is wiping off countertops and how to do it properly. You know, don’t just like wipe around things like actually clear the counter and then pick things up, wipe underneath, you know. So do a really good job there. Another good foundational chore would be, you know, like indexing the windows because, you know, that’s teaching how to.

Ashley Buffa 00:17:09 And then that kind of graduates into cleaning the shower or whatever. So you kind of think of like, you know, what’s what’s the what’s the bottom of what’s the bottom chore that I need to learn how to do in order to do this? A really good one for really young kids, like two and three is surprisingly vacuuming. Now they’re not going to do it perfectly. But if you put them in charge of vacuuming corners, like with, you know, a little sucky hose. I’m talking like Buddy the Elf. if you put them in charge of corners, they’re going to do so much better than you could do as a grown adult woman, because they can get down in those low positions and, like, crawl underneath things. So, you know, vacuuming under the couch or in the corners or whatever. Kids love to vacuum. I don’t know what it is, but, you know, so start them there. But always start with one thing and then build up in that. So I like to like build out a whole set of chores, you know.

Ashley Buffa 00:18:01 So if I’m starting a kid off with sweeping, then once they’ve mastered the art of sweeping, then I will teach them how to mop, and then I’m going to put them in charge of sweeping and mopping that one room, you know, weekly or, you know, we have a million people in our house. So it really has to be done weekly or our floors are just a disaster. But, you know, if if you have less children and don’t have pets, You know, every other week or monthly or whatever it is, but you give them that ownership of that big chore and then, you know, like, for me, I have a million kids so I can break up all of the mopping into three different zones and give it to three different kids. But if you have, you know, if you only have 2 or 3 kids, then the sweeping and mopping would all belong to one kid, and that would be like their big Saturday chore or something like that. But I like to build like that.

Ashley Buffa 00:18:49 So teach the beginning skill first, and then build on it, and then give them ownership of like a big a big chunk.

Cara Harvey 00:18:57 Yeah. I never thought of like foundational like when you were saying, like, my daughter loves to do the windows. I don’t know. Again, anything that she can spray is like a game for her. But I was thinking like, yeah, like that motion leads into so many other cleaning things that if you can do that like, and I think we don’t think of it like that. And for me, like I grew up in a house where I was never taught how to properly clean. And so now I’m an adult buying classes on how to like, I, you know, like I feel it and I see it. And so I think it’s very big for me that I’m like, I want to teach them. And so part of mine is like, I don’t even know how to appropriately do this. But I think about those foundational things, and I love the idea of kind of batching like them together based on the kid.

Cara Harvey 00:19:36 Can I ask you a question about what if my kids haven’t been doing chores, say, or like they don’t do a lot or whatever it is, and now it’s, you know, how we get right, like family, meaning we’re all doing these things and mom comes in and even if it’s one chore, right, like, even if we’re starting small, which is the recommendation, right? You’re going to come in with 12 tours, you’re gonna have a coup on your hand, right? So it’s like we come in with the one. How do we make it feel? Like it’s not a punishment? Like, how can we communicate chores in our home that don’t feel like it has to? Do, you know, like that feeling for your kids?

Ashley Buffa 00:20:09 So you’re going to get some of that no matter what you do. Because again, we’re dealing with human nature here. We’re not dealing with robots that we can program. So just like kind of keep that in your head that there is going to be some level of pushback from at least one kid, maybe all of them, but at least one.

Ashley Buffa 00:20:26 So just have that in your head that that’s just the way that life goes. And we’re moving on. So one of the things that I like to do first is give a pep talk about this is our home, and we will all enjoy it more if it is tidy and if it is neat. And we all need to be contributing to making it that way. So, you know, first just a little pep talk, but with a smile on your face, because honestly and truly, your tone as a mother is going to set the tone for the kids. If you walk in and you’re just like, this is no longer acceptable, and you know, if you’re like ranting, then your kids are going to, you know, take that as, oh, well, what we’re getting ready to do is basically to appease the gods. You know, mom’s upset again. So let’s do what we have to do to make her upset so that the rest of us can just move on with life. So you don’t want to do that.

Ashley Buffa 00:21:16 You want to have a good attitude about it. This is a positive thing that we’re doing for doing for our family. We are all going to be working together, you know, as if one of us is working. All of us are working. We’re going to turn on some music and just set a time limit. That’s the biggest thing. And keep the time limit small. When you’re first starting out, you know, hey kids, we’re all going to work together for ten minutes to clean up this living room because it’s a disaster and nobody wants to live in a disaster. So I’m going to set my timer for ten minutes. As long as everybody is working hard, when the timer is is off, you can go and I might call you back. Like, if the job’s not done, I’ll probably call you back in an hour or so. But ten minutes is all I’m asking of you right now. Give me a good attitude, work quickly and work hard and you can go. If you decide to be lazy and drag your feet, you’re going to have to stay for an extra ten minutes.

Ashley Buffa 00:21:59 And it’s all just very matter of fact. And this is what we’re doing now. And this is not up for negotiation, you know, those types of things. And then for the kids that are like really rocking it and doing well, give them a reward. I love chocolate chips as a reward because it is little and they’re delicious. And the kids will, you know, do anything for some chocolate chips. So, you know, for the kid that is just really being diligent and has a good attitude. Hey, go get yourself five chocolate chips out of the jar, and then the other kids will be like, well, what do I have to do to get that? You know, so but it’s all with a teacher’s heart. You know, you’re you’re you’re teaching your kids how to do this, and you’re teaching your kids that it doesn’t have to be the end of the world, and you’re teaching your kids that you don’t have to have a bad attitude when you clean. Even though mom is having a bad attitude and slamming things around for the last five years, every time she has to clean.

Ashley Buffa 00:22:49 That doesn’t mean that we have to keep doing it. That way we can all change here. So and owning that is a big part of it too. You know, saying, I realize that I have been, you know, kind of a monster when it comes to cleaning for the last five years. I’m sorry. I’m gonna I want to change this year. This is my year, too. I’m changing too. And, you know, lead by example.

Cara Harvey 00:23:10 Yeah. I think that transparency and just mindfulness with yourself is important, you know, because we fall into patterns of what we’ve seen and there’s so much societal conditioning and stuff that’s like, we have to just acknowledge, like, okay, maybe I wasn’t great at this and like, this is what we’re going to do. And we have my kids have we have two charts because my kids wanted to like earn some money. Right? So I was like, all right, well, here’s a list of things you do because you live here.

Cara Harvey 00:23:34 And that’s what we have is like that list. And then there’s extra things that they can do. They want to earn money. And these are all the things I don’t like to do or don’t do often. And so I put those on them. So I’m like, so if you want to earn an extra dollar, like you just come at me with one of the things that mom normally does and it’s all yours. But I had to make that list for them of because they were like, every little thing turned into like, you know, let me get a dollar for putting my dishes away or something. And so I made an actual list in my kitchen that’s like, this is what we do because we live here. Just as like a reminder for them, because I think for so many kids, like, especially if us moms have done for them, they get very expectant on it. And I found it to like over winter break. Like, I found myself, like getting my kids clothes to get like, oh, I’m going upstairs.

Cara Harvey 00:24:21 I’ll grab your clothes, I’ll grab it. Like I just found myself. And then school’s back this week that were recording this. And my son was like, can you get my clothes? And I was like, no. And I just, like, looked. I was like, go get your clothes. And then I stopped and and and I was like, wait, I’ve literally done that. Like I just got back into the habit because it was easier for me. And so I think that reminder of maybe easier now isn’t easier in the long run. And reminding yourself of that, too.

Ashley Buffa 00:24:45 It’s never easier in the long run. And let me just give you an illustration of this, okay? We’ve been using basically this, this chore system now for over ten years. And so some kids were babies when we first started. But they’ve grown up with this attitude of helping. So we were having some people over for New Year’s Eve. And, you know, the house was actually already pretty pulled together.

Ashley Buffa 00:25:08 But there were a few things that we needed to be done. So my 13 year old son came to me and he was like, hey mom, if you will just make a list of the things that you want done before the families get here, I will make sure that it happens. Like, I’ll I’ll get the kids in here and we’ll just get it knocked out. That way you can focus on the food, because I was making a bunch of food and I was like. What planet am I living on? My 13 year old son just came and and he did. And he made sure that it was done. Well. There was no fight. Like I was listening. I was like, this might not go so well. If the 13 year old is bossing the younger boys around, it it it was great because they’re used to that. They’re used to, you know, being called together as a team and being deployed and doing the job and doing it well. And they had my list.

Ashley Buffa 00:25:57 I mean, it was a list of probably 10 to 15 things, and they had it done in less than 30 minutes. And I was just like, wow. So I mean, did that take a lot of work to get there? Yes, it took a lot of work and sometimes it didn’t feel like it was worth it, but it sure was worth it. On New Year’s Eve, when I could keep cooking and my 13 year old took initiative and just gathered everybody and went and did it. So yeah, it’s there’s hope.

Cara Harvey 00:26:23 But, you know, and I think there.

Ashley Buffa 00:26:24 Is I think a.

Cara Harvey 00:26:25 Lot of us like we’re so in it that we don’t always see the hope, we don’t always see the big picture. And it does feel like I’ll just do it myself. But like the question I always pose to people when they’re like, have that black and white thinking is, well, how’s that been going so far? Right? Like, how has it been going so far? Are you feeling the result? Like, I know when I get in those, I’ll do it myself.

Cara Harvey 00:26:44 I’m resentful. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. And like, that’s not healthy either. So okay, so we talked a lot of different tips. And I know you have like a specific system that like works really good for you. What things can we pull from that system in our little bit of time together that could help parents who are like, I’m ready. I’m empowered. Like I’m ready to step into the not having to do it all myself mode when it comes to. Take a quick second, because I wanna invite you to join one of my new favorite apps. It’s called Brand Club. I am all about trying to get my side hustle on right. And one of the things I hate doing is taking money out of my pre-planned budget for tiny things that pop up, like the snack stand during football season, or the $10 you have to Venmo somewhere else because you need it for school. And I found Brand Club to literally fill that gap for me. Here’s what I do with it. Every single day I go in, I earn between a dollar and $1.50.

Cara Harvey 00:27:34 It takes me two minutes and I just fill in some surveys. Super simple, very easy. I also will link it to my Amazon, my Walmart and my target account. So when I buy things anyway, I get cash back. It takes me about ten days, but I earn $10 and when I get my $10, I cash it to my Venmo girl math. I’m using it all the places I want to share with you a $3 code to get started, because you need $10 to cash out. So let me give you $3. I’ll get $3 if you sign up. I really appreciate it. Go to a purpose driven brand club. Do it on your phone because it’s going to bring you up to the app so you can download it. It’s a really easy way to just get some side money going, so you don’t have to take it out of your regular budget and make some money for yourself. That’s a purpose driven, mom slash brand club.

Ashley Buffa 00:28:16 So we’ve talked about quite a few of the principles already.

Ashley Buffa 00:28:19 You know, setting a definite time limit, making sure that your own attitude is what you want your children mirroring back to you, you know, making sure that you’re inspecting their work. These are all really, really important things for getting your family on board. One thing that I would say is also super important, that I really never hear anybody else talking about is, leaving your child in there, chores, you know, the chores that you have assigned to them for at least six months so that they can gain proficiency and fluency in that chore. Because, you know, I see, you know, there’s all sorts of like, oh, the chore jar, pick a chore and, you know, that’s your chore for the day. Nobody ever gets really good at doing something when they don’t do it daily or weekly, like it has to be something that they and also also you are robbing your child of the opportunity to get good and fast at something. You know, like my my children that do the sweeping and the mopping.

Ashley Buffa 00:29:17 They could do it blindfolded at this point because they’ve done it every week. These kids have actually done it for the last two years. I need to move them soon to different chores, but they’ve gotten really, really good at it. They know how to do it. They know all of the tips and tricks that you could know to mop quickly and efficiently if they were only mopping once a month, because they were always being moved around to different things, or like once every two months, they’re never going to get really, really good at anything and it’s never going to be easy for them. So leave your kid in the same chores for at least six months. But I really think it’s best to do at least a year, and that will help them to not resent it so much. You know, I had one child. He’s actually renovating my bathroom right now. He’s an adult he hated. He hated all of his chores, but he especially hated when I moved him into the bathrooms. And he would always cut corners, always thinking that I wouldn’t come and inspect.

Ashley Buffa 00:30:11 And I always inspect because I knew that this particular child would always try to get away with stuff. And so I was always on him and and I was like, you know, child, I’m not gonna say his name for his privacy. Child, child A you need to understand that until you master this and do it well every time. And I can count on you to do a really good job every time without even checking. I’m never going to graduate you out of this chore. You’re going to be doing this chore until you do it really well and I can count on you. So that means you could be doing bathrooms for the next five years, or until you move out of this house if you do not own it and start doing it well. And that finally got through to him. And he is actually, he got so good at it that he is the one that I have teach. Any new child who is moving into bathrooms, I have him teach them how to do it because he got so meticulous and just, you know, became so good at it and just totally owned it.

Ashley Buffa 00:31:11 But if I had just gotten frustrated with him because he wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do and moved him out because it was easier for me, it was easier for me to not have to go back five different times a day and say, you missed that. You missed. I need you to do this. You know what? You’re supposed you know, if I had moved him, he never would have gained that proficiency. But now he’s a master at it. And, you know, I could have chosen the easy way, but I chose the hard way. And now he’s so much better at it. And, you know, that’s what you have to do. You have to be willing to do the hard stuff and keep your kid in that, even if they are just, you know, fighting it with all that they have, like just say, hey, you know, you can just stay in this chore until you move out or, you know, you can master it and I can move you into something that’s a little bit less gross.

Cara Harvey 00:31:59 Oh, I love that language, too, because I think I’m thinking about my kids. Like I’m thinking about starting new systems. And Jaws is one of our goals for the year as well. And yeah, that I can see my kids being like, oh, if I do it halfway, then maybe I’ll get out of it because because mom quit on it. But I like that language of like, yeah, you. I mean, you’re gonna stay here to me until you get it, so you might as well. And then sticking with the convictions of it, I think a lot of that goes back to what we kind of started our conversation with, of like the long term impact as parents that we have when we empower our kids like this. Yeah, 100%. okay. So let’s talk as we close out to those parents who are like, I love all of this. I love all of this. I feel a little overwhelmed because it feels new and shiny and I don’t want to quit or fail.

Cara Harvey 00:32:46 What is an action step they can take from today’s session? That they can start to move in the right direction?

Ashley Buffa 00:32:51 So make sure to download the freebie, which is. I have an editable chore chart. So it’s it’s virtual. It’s online. I don’t know what it is. It’s it’s, you know, you can print it out after you. You can you can change everything in it. So you can assign chores, change it around, then print it out. So make sure to download that. I also have, you know, for the VIPs, a kind of a starter pack that is going to help you really map out everything that you want your child doing. And then there’s also some SOPs in there. We didn’t even talk about SOPs today. So SOPs are standard operating procedures. It is basically a detailed checklist of the different jobs that you want your child doing in the house. And that’s so that they can’t be like, oh, I forgot. It’s like, no, no, it’s right here.

Ashley Buffa 00:33:37 So, you know, if you have the SOPs in the bathroom and if you have an SOP in the child’s bedroom, you know, the list is there. Just follow the list and you’ll be fine. So that starter pack has a few different SOPs in it. It has everything you need to like, really get started on your way and, You know, make 2025 the year that it actually sticks instead of, you know, let’s try this again and everybody quits in six weeks.

Cara Harvey 00:34:01 Yeah. Because the time like I said, that’s like my I feel like my theme in my life right now is like the time, like going and like the amount of time we lose when we don’t, like, start something sooner. But it doesn’t mean it’s too late. Right? Like it doesn’t mean it’s too late to to get started. But no matter how old your kids are, you can still teach and equip them right now. And it will also have an impact on your home. So it will all of those things.

Cara Harvey 00:34:26 Actually. Where can people connect more with you?

Ashley Buffa 00:34:29 So you can find me at Freedom Moms. Com I’m also on Facebook and Instagram and have a YouTube channel a YouTube channel too. But make sure to sign up for the freebie, at least for the editable chore chart, because I do send out two different emails every week with different tips and challenges and things to my email list. So those have been really helpful for a lot of moms just taking little steps towards, you know what they need every week. So that’s where you hear from me the most.

Cara Harvey 00:34:57 And listen right below this session I’m going to link all things actually. So the freebie. If you didn’t get your VIP you can link over there VIP. Go log in and check out your stuff. Ashley, thank you for your time today.

Ashley Buffa 00:35:07 You’re very welcome. Thanks for having me again.

Cara Harvey 00:35:12 Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Purpose Driven Mom Show. If this episode served you in any way, we would really appreciate it if you headed over to wherever you listen to podcast, hit that five star and leave a review and a rating.

Cara Harvey 00:35:23 That’s how more moms can find us and we can grow our community. If you had a tip or an Make sure you come over and tag me at a Purpose Driven Mom on Instagram and share it with your friends. The best way for us to get this message out there, of less hustle and less shame and more intentionality, is for you to share it with people you know need to hear it. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you and I can’t wait to connect with you more outside of the podcast.