Cara Harvey 00:00:03 Welcome to the Purpose Driven Moms show here at A Purpose Driven Mom, we believe that it’s possible to manage your home, work on your personal goals, and grow and scale an online business. Most productivity tips out there tell you to hustle more and make you feel shame about not being motivated enough. And we’re here to dispel this myth. I’m Kara Harvey, and I am on a mission to help work at home. Moms realize that they have the power to go after their dreams, take care of themselves, and manage their home without perfectionism, guilt, or having to sacrifice their sleep. If you’re ready to shift your thinking around productivity and get some practical tips to help you manage your mom life. Toss your earbuds in while you fold the laundry. And let’s do this! Welcome to episode 454. Today you’re getting a little sneak peek into the perfect Mom club. The lesson I did on our Friday coaching call was so good that I was like, we gotta put this on the podcast, and it’s all about what to do when you’re stuck in indecision.

Cara Harvey 00:00:58 This is one thing I noticed often with our almost 200 club members, they come in, they have these goals, they have too many and they’re not sure where to go. They’re feeling uncertain because they’re not trusting themselves. They’re stuck in a little bit of perfectionism, and they don’t know how to move forward unless things look a certain way. In this, I teach them about what to do. So the way we have our club structured is we have three different calls every single week. We have body doubling where you can get on and co-work with someone else. We have our coaching calls where you get support and coach from our coaching team, and then I host Friday calls. We call that source. Or is the course inside the Vermont Club. And each week I teach a little bit from that live. So it’s essentially taking the lesson and doing it live. And then I open up to coaching. So this part we’re going to clip the coaching. But if you hear me in the first part and you see the slides, if you’re over on YouTube, that was kind of what that was like.

Cara Harvey 00:01:48 I take 15, 20 minutes to teach something so that when we can coach specifically on it, this one was all about indecision. I think that this is something that holds so much of us, so many of us back because we don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust our own intuition. We’re like, where do we go from here? I have so much to work on. Where do I go? If you want to check out show notes, check out more about the club. Go to a Purpose Driven mom.com/podcast for 54. If you want to see the slides that I use, make sure you head to YouTube because that’s where we post the videos for it. If my sounds wonky on it, I didn’t have my mic plugged in because I was just coaching, so I wasn’t using my my fancy little podcasting mic. But the content is great. Again, a purpose driven podcast for 50 for check out show notes and I hope this helps everybody. Happy almost end of March, which is the weirdest thing ever.

Cara Harvey 00:02:34 It’s also freezing here and I thought it was spring. Like what’s happening? Like the wind today is nuts. But here we are. It’s Friday. I’m going to teach for a bit. Then if you have questions, we’ll do open coaching for the rest of the hour. So just use the raise hand feature if you would like coaching. You can get coaching on the topic I’m talking about, which today is indecision. Or you can just get any sort of coaching, any coaching you need at all, and we’ll keep it to the top of the hour. So let me share into my screen and I’m going to get rid of my picture. But I think you can see my screen. Just let me know in the chat. Make a mistake once, never make it again. That’s how we learn. If anyone was here for that day, or I just literally taught the entire time and didn’t look at the chat and none of you could see my screen. All right. We are going to talk today about overcoming indecision, how we can move forward with confidence when we are unclear and unsure of what our next best step is.

Cara Harvey 00:03:28 All right, let’s talk about it. Because I don’t know about anyone else, but sometimes we all get stuck there, right? We all get stuck in this place of indecision where we don’t know what to do. We don’t know the next right step. So why does it happen? One of the things is it could be. And I want you to think to yourself, which of this happens the most for me? Because for each of us, we’re going to get stuck in indecision in different ways based on who we are, how we attack our goals. Each goal could be different, right? So first things first fear of making the wrong choice. Oftentimes we will be deciding, do I want to work on this goal? Now this is super relevant right now because what are we doing Monday? Quarterly planning. Right. 1:00 I’ll see you there for quarterly planning. Is this the right choice? Is this the right decision? Is this the right goal? That fear? Other times, it could be an overwhelm of too many choices.

Cara Harvey 00:04:15 This is the one that I think happens to me very often, when I just have way too many things to choose for anyone. Ever go to a restaurant like this? Oh, what is that one Cheesecake Factory? Have you ever been to the Cheesecake Factory? And then they have 800 different options. And there it is. Right? That one happens to me all the time. The perfectionism, this need to get it right. If you’ve ever redecorated anything in your house, right. That perfectionism, this is it, right? I can’t pick the right color. I don’t know which one, which one should I? Should I do this one? Should I do this one? Should I do this? If you’ve ever made a big decision, gotten a new car. You know, sometimes even the little decisions having to have the right choice. Sometimes it’s that lack of time. I just don’t have the space to decide. This happens to me too. Like this one is very common for me when it’s like, what the what’s for dinner, right? The what’s for dinner question, or do you want to go out to eat or where do you want to go? Or like, do we need to do this thing? And it’s like, I just don’t know.

Cara Harvey 00:05:11 I just can’t make another decision. I see anyone else. Fine. I find myself saying that phrase very often out loud. I just cannot make another decision. And I will sometimes like even queue up. This is like one of our tips to my husband. I will say I’m incapable of making a decision right now. I just need you to tell me what to do because we often as moms are like the keeper of the decisions, right? There you go. I was going to say my next talking point here, because we have so many decisions we have to make daily. I want you to think about your day from the minute you get up to even just breakfast. How many decisions are you making? What are you going to wear? What are the kids going to wear? Do we need to find this thing? Where is that thing? Right. All these things we have to do, it’s a lot, right? Indecision will drain our energy and it will keep us stuck instead of making progress.

Cara Harvey 00:05:52 Because we’re spending so much time in the mental load of making the decision about what to do next. This is why I love pre-planning, right? This is why pre-planning is like my bread and butter. Because I’m like, listen, if I can make as many decisions before I need to. It will lessen my mental load. Very not small example, but relevant example for me, right? Tomorrow I’m hosting this tea party for Girl Scouts, 80 girls. I am doing everything I can to have it ready and done. I think I showed this the other day. Hold on, I’ll flip my camera. You can see my office on this side. I think you can see this. Like. See all of that? That is all of my stuff for the Tea Party. Like it’s a mess, but it’s all organized by section. I am cutting things. I’m prepping things. It’s so. It’s been a lot of work. But now tomorrow, when I get there at 9 a.m. and I have to get set up, and I have 45 minutes to have the entire thing set up, and my adult volunteers are coming and they’re asking me questions and they’re like, where do you need me? Like, everyone has a section and I have a lesson plan, and I have it’s not let’s separate stuff.

Cara Harvey 00:06:52 It’s every single one of you has a box that goes to your station, that goes to your station, that goes to your station, read over it and set it up. I do as much as I can, and this is why I do as much as I can in advance. Because tomorrow, guess what? I’m going to be asked a good jillion questions. I’m going to be asked. You want to hear? Do you want to hear or are you doing this? What should we do now while getting everything set up while girls are starting to come in and we have to filter it, right? When that happens, my brain feels like it’s going to absolutely like erupt. And then I feel frantic. So this is one of the reasons I’m so big on pre-planning, because when I can pre-plan, I can make as many decisions before I even get there. Because I know that when I get to said situation, I’m going to have to make decisions. So why not get rid of the decisions I need to make in advance? So tip I’m going to give you today.

Cara Harvey 00:07:39 I think I probably talked about too early, but I want you to really think about how draining it feels when you’re constantly having to make decisions all the time, right? So why not instead make decisions before you need to make the decision, right? Like give yourself that gift. It is one of those things, you know. I’m sure it drives my husband nuts, but it helps me so much like the amount of work I’ve had to do for this little tip. I should have showed you guys this little fairy. We’re making these little fairy gardens. They’re adorable. But I had to, like, cut up the moss and, like, cut the little square like. But I have a bag ready for every trip. Bump, bump, bump. You just take it and go. Take it and go. Because I don’t want to worry about it tomorrow. Because tomorrow has its own worries. So that’s part of why we get so stuck, is because we’re constantly bombarded over and over and over with the things we got to get done.

Cara Harvey 00:08:23 Okay, I want to chat with you now and invite you to grab one of my top free resources that have been downloaded almost 4000 times, and this is my ultimate weekly planning checklist. If you are ready to go into your week feeling less frazzled and more in control, this checklist is for you. It’s going to help you set up your week, save time running around, and plan out all the time you need for you, your goals, your family, your business, the whole thing. It’s the exact same checklist that we use in the Purpose Driven Mom Club every Sunday. And not only do I give you the checklist of what to follow to plan your week. But I will give you a Trello board if you want to use Trello with it. Absolutely free with a video tutorial, it is going to take you less than 30 minutes a week to plan the week and save you hours. If you want to go and snag this checklist, you can go to a purpose driven checklist and it’ll be there absolutely free for you.

Cara Harvey 00:09:13 Again, go to a purpose driven checklist and get your copy. So what’s the cost of staying stuck 100%? That overthinking spiral, right? That overthinking spiral. We’re wasting time thinking, should I do this? Should I do that? Should we make this? Should we make that? What kind of thing do I want? I’m very split second action now. I know some of you. The way you’re wired, your brains, your Enneagram to those things. You need more research time. So I want to encourage you to give yourself that research time. But I also want to kick you out the nest and say that sometimes the amount of research we do on something because we’re feeling indecisive is what’s keeping us stuck, right? It’s what’s keeping us from moving forward. I’m a very split decision person like my son. I got an email this morning and it was like, we need baseball pants and white baseball pants. Now I have one pair. I needed a second pair. I messaged a couple of my friends who have kids like, do you have white pants? I was like, white, who makes white baseball? Like what? This feels like a crime.

Cara Harvey 00:10:08 Like, why are we having white pants? But I’m like, I couldn’t find them. I couldn’t find them. I did a five minute search. I couldn’t really find any white ones on the marketplace, because white is a terrible color, and most people are probably not in good enough shape to resell, like, let’s be real. So I was like, fine, whatever, I’m just going to buy them a pair. I found 15 bucks on him, you know, we’ll send them whatever. Make the decision. Could I have researched more? Could I have made sure that they were ones? Could I have asked a couple more friends? Yes, but I need them for next week. So guess what? I cannot stay in that spot. The overthinking will get you. You’re stressed out. You’re frustrated because I’m the one making all the decisions. I’m owning all of it. I’m holding all the responsibility, you know, in my head. And you know, we’ve talked a lot about the phrase the sandwich generation where you’re taking care of your kids and you’re taking care of your parents who are aging.

Cara Harvey 00:10:50 Right. Like I, you know, am feeling that especially like yesterday was really hard day for me. I went up, got to see my stepmom and it was just I want to talk about today. But it was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But talking to my dad about it, like thinking about making helping him talk through these things, like the amount of stress we’re under because of the decisions. Right? It’s so stressful on our bodies, our brain. I came home yesterday and, like, melted into the couch out of stress, right? Like there’s just so much of it. We also will be missing opportunities for growth and progress. There are so many things that might come up to you and you’re like, should I do this or should I do that? Is this the right opportunity? Should I say yes to this volunteer, this job, this position? Is this the right thing? I’m scared. Right? Sometimes we don’t decide something because it’s scary and new, and then we miss out.

Cara Harvey 00:11:33 And then you just get caught in this cycle of self-doubt, second guessing, self-doubt, second guessing instead of the opposite, which is the confidence competency loop that we talk about, where it’s like, as I do things, I get better, I feel more confident, so I do more things. As I do things, I get more better. I feel confident, right? That’s where we want to stay. step. Take a quick second. I want to invite you to join. One of my new favorite apps is called Brand Club. I am all about trying to get my side hustle on right. And one of the things I hate doing is taking money out of my pre-planned budget for tiny things that pop up, like the snack stand during football season, or the $10 you have to Venmo somewhere else because you need it for school. And I found Brand Club to literally fill that gap for me. Here’s what I do with it. Every single day I go in, I earn between a dollar and $1.50.

Cara Harvey 00:12:16 It takes me two minutes and I just fill in some surveys. Super simple. Very easy. I also will link it to my Amazon, my Walmart and my target account. So when I buy things anyway, I get cash back. It takes me about ten days, but I earn $10 and when I get my $10, I cash it to my Venmo Girl math. I’m using it all the places I want to share with you a $3 code to get started, because you need $10 to cash out. So let me give you $3. I’ll get $3 if you sign up. I really appreciate it. Go to a Purpose Driven Mom club. Do it on your phone because it’s going to bring you up to the app so you can download it. It’s a really easy way to just get some side money going, so you don’t have to take it out of your regular budget and make some money for yourself. That’s a purpose driven romcom club. So here’s how we kind of move out of indecision. All right.

Cara Harvey 00:13:02 Step one I want you to identify what is keeping you stuck. As I’m talking you 100%, I’m sure fine. 99%. Is that certain? 99% sure that something popped into your head that you’re like, yes, that is something I’m overthinking. That is something I’m stuck because of fear. That’s something I’m stuck because of perfectionism or because of overwhelm. I’m sure you have it right. So I want you to ask yourself a couple questions to figure out what it is specifically. Because, again, you know, I always talk about like being a detective around your goals. It’s not always this isn’t working. It’s this one piece isn’t working. And if you get to that one piece, beautiful, right? You can like, figure it out. Do I really need more information or am I just avoiding taking action? This is for my research. Why, friends, do I need to read one more post or watch one more video. Or am I just avoiding taking action? Okay. Am I actually afraid of making a mistake? Like, is that what’s happening here or not? Or do I not care if I make a mistake? So then it’s like, okay, so it’s not that fear.

Cara Harvey 00:14:00 What could it be? Is this decision truly important or am I overcomplicating it? I know this one’s going to ruffle some feathers, but often we think things are so much more important than they actually are, right? And this is the one thing I was I’ve been sharing about all of my like, stuff I make from home. Right? My friends, yesterday I was gonna make muffins for an event tonight. Right? And I was like, oh, I’ll make some chocolate chip ones. I’ll bring those. And she’s like, no, I want blueberry. I was like, I can make blueberry muffins right now if you want to ask Kara, months ago in December, I would have been like, oh.

Speaker 2 00:14:27 Blueberry muffin, I don’t know how to.

Cara Harvey 00:14:28 I couldn’t have done it because my brain made it so big that I was like, I can’t make anything. And I think we, all of us, collectively, we do this. We make things bigger than they actually are. So is the decision of what color you’re painting your kitchen the most important decision, or are you overcomplicating it between eggshell and whatever other color white There is.

Cara Harvey 00:14:48 I haven’t painted anything in a while, and I say this for you all to remind me this summer. We’re redoing the kids rooms and we’re repainting, and I’m sure I’m going to be stuck in this spot. So just remind me. I said, go say Cara, go back and watch this video, right? Because there’s so many options. And then ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen if you choose? And I say wrong in quotes here, what is the actual worst thing? Yes. Can there be like this is true. There can be repercussions for making the wrong choice. But what is the absolute worst thing? Right? So yesterday, for example, Thursday mornings I normally volunteer at the school. I do this thing where we sort produce and then we give it out to the families. So I volunteer for two hours at the school Thursdays. Well, my dad was like, I think you need to come up. So I was like, all right, I’m going to drive up to North Jersey.

Cara Harvey 00:15:31 I’m going to go see my step mom. I could either, like, leave after I volunteer or I could leave right away. And my brain was stuck in indecision. It was like, well, I could do both, right? I have made a commitment to volunteer. So I should quote, should should go volunteer and then I can leave after. And then I’ll have to find a way for the kids to get home, because I won’t be back in time for pickup. But at least then I can, like, fulfill all my commitments. And then I looked at the time and I was like, you know what? It really doesn’t make sense for me to do that. Like, I need to be back in time to pick up the kids. And this is more important, right? Going to see her is more important than the volunteering in my current priorities. And I thought, okay, well, maybe I am going to let other people down. Maybe I’m not making the commitment and I know they have enough volunteers or they have plenty.

Cara Harvey 00:16:12 Not enough, but they have plenty of volunteers. So I kept thinking, like, what’s the worst that could happen? And again, this is coupling with that Letham theory I’m reading. So good. If you haven’t started, please read. Could they think, oh, this person said they were showing up and now they’re breaking their commitment? They’re so irresponsible. Yes they could. And what is the worst thing that will happen from that? Let them write. They think that. But I need to do something that is a higher priority today. And it’s okay. Right. So like what is the worst thing? Now, once you’ve figured it out, I want you to simplify your decision, okay. Here are some ways that I do it that allow things to be easier. This is the Cheesecake Factory menu. Bringing it down, giving yourself a time limit. Give yourself five minutes or a day. By tomorrow I’m going to decide now. This is why sometimes we get on the calls and I say the decision is the goal.

Cara Harvey 00:16:58 By next week I want you to decide what you’re going to do. Decision is your goal okay. Give yourself five minutes or whatever to do it, okay. You can also use the two option rule. Narrow it down to two things okay. Again Cheesecake factory right. Do I want I love cheesecake. It’s like cannoli okay. So cannoli. Rainbow cookies. Cheesecake. Top three favorite desserts. Anyway, anyone ever wanted to buy me dessert? But those are my top three. So I’m at the Cheesecake Factory, right? And I’m like, turtle cheesecake, which is like my favorite order. I want to go like strawberry, which is like a good second, I don’t know, let’s narrow it down from 45 options to two. That takes it from many to less. And then it makes the decision easier. What would you tell your friend in this situation? I always share with you. Ron says it to me a lot. Like, what would you tell one of your moms, right? Whenever I’m having a moment and it’s annoying, but it’s right.

Cara Harvey 00:17:45 What would you tell someone else if someone else was in my shoes yesterday or wasn’t in my shoes? And I was telling them, I’m like, I don’t know, should I go up to the hospital or should I volunteer first? Because I made the commitment. They’d be like, obviously go to the hospital, like, go be with your family. Are you serious? Like, you know, like, this might be the last time you see her. Like you need to go. That’s so much easier than the overthinking my brain was doing, right? Or flip a coin. This is the one I do frequently. If you feel disappointed by the result, your intuition already knows what you want. We don’t trust our gut enough. We don’t trust our intuition. If I’m a Cheesecake Factory and I’m like hamburger or chicken and I flip it and I get hamburger and I literally am like, I wanted the chicken the whole time, right? We need to simplify it like we were a child, because indecision becomes this big giant in our heads and it doesn’t need to be all right.

Cara Harvey 00:18:31 So step three is trusting your gut and move on.

Speaker 2 00:18:36 Keep it moving.

Cara Harvey 00:18:38 You are smart and capable enough to know what to do. And it was funny. Somebody in my DMs called me. They call me radical feminist. I think they meant it as a bad thing. And I was like, what? That I think that women like are intelligent enough to make their own decisions. Like, oh, it’s crazy, right? But you are you are intelligent enough to make your own decisions and to trust yourself even if you make the wrong decision. You know yourself, you know your situation, and you are bright enough to do it. Okay? There’s no perfect choice. There’s just the best choice for right now. Will you make a wrong move? Yep. Will you do the wrong thing? Yes.

Speaker 2 00:19:13 Will you say the wrong thing?

Cara Harvey 00:19:14 Sometimes?

Speaker 2 00:19:14 Sure.

Cara Harvey 00:19:15 Oh, like we have to just know, like, this is the best for right now. And I always tell myself the phrase I use a lot when I think about my parents.

Cara Harvey 00:19:22 I think I’ve heard this, but my peers were really young. They were like, done having kids by 26, married 17, 19, very young. Right. And I always say my parents did the best they could with the information that they had. All of us do the best we can with the information we currently have. I think back to situations where I’ve made the wrong move and I can’t live in guilt. I have to be like, well, I did the best I could with the information I had. Like, that’s what I knew. That’s what I had. And that was the best, right? Action will create clarity for you. The more that you move forward, the more confident you begin again. Competency. Confidence loop as I do, I get better. As I get better, I feel more confident I will keep going. This is why co-working 15 minute timers, all these things work because the more that you get started on something, the more you’re like, okay, this is the right thing, or your intuition and your brain will be like, maybe not right.

Cara Harvey 00:20:11 And a wrong step can always be adjusted, right? Staying stuck is going to get you nowhere. Not doing anything. Not working on that passion project. Not starting the thing you want to start. Not doing anything will never move you forward. But even if you’re like, I want to run a marathon and today I’m going to go walk for five minutes. It’s more than you were doing, right? But not getting started will never move you forward. Okay? And again, us moms like also like, come on, we have our spidey senses, right? We have our intuition. We’re just talking about it with my kids too. I call I call it sometimes like my Holy Spirit tingle. Like when I feel that feeling and I feel like God’s like nudging me places, I’m like, oh, okay, there we go. Right. We have this intuition. Use it. Stop doubting that you have it. Now step four is going to be to create a go to decision system so that you can easily move out of it.

Cara Harvey 00:20:58 Notice how everything, everything always comes back to a system, right? It’s always like, all right, what do I do next? Where am I going? So if you have a system like these tools here, right? I use these four tools all the time. So I don’t have to think, How can I figure this out? Take this screenshot. Right. This is your decision. Okay? Now make your own system. Here’s the three question test. The a leg kind of helps me when I’m just really unsure. And maybe none of the tools are working okay. Does this decision align with my values and my priorities? Okay. Will this opportunity, this thing, this, even if it’s like I’m going out to dinner, right? Like Will, does it align for me? Stuff like going out to dinner, like, I mean, I hope so. You got to eat. Unless your priority is not to eat out because you’re trying to save money. Oh, there we go.

Cara Harvey 00:21:46 We got McDonald’s money at home, right? We got. What does the mom say? We got McDonald’s at home, right? It’s real. Will this move me forward even a little? And if it does, tends to be the right one. If I say yes. What will I need to say no to? So this was me yesterday. If I say yes to go into the hospital, I will have to say no to volunteering in the morning. Okay? Right. It aligned with my values, right? And it worked. Making default choices for common decisions will also help. So things like routines and systems. It’s why I said I love the pre-plan. Those things allow decision making to be easier. It’s the reason like we talk about my friend Elisa used to teach that capsule meal, right? Like Taco Tuesday, crockpot Monday. Right? It’s a reason we do that, because it just makes it easier. I do my meal planning at the start of the month for all of the dinner, right? I have all of March planned out.

Cara Harvey 00:22:38 Why? Because I don’t want to make the decision. So when it’s the weekends and I’m going to the grocery store, all I need to do is look at what I said I was going to do. Say thank you, Kara. Like, thank you, old Kara. And this is so funny because we use this on the team a lot. Like we’re doing summit stuff right now, obviously, because some it’s, you know, we’re in the thick and like stuff pops up and we’re like, oh thank you Kara from last week. Who did that. Like I didn’t even really I forgot I did that. Like when you set up systems and decisions, that makes it easier. Things like work hours, planning routines, Sunday planning, all those things. So here are your next steps on indecision. I want you to pick one area you’re feeling stuck, and I want you to pick one small action you want to take today. I want you to also use these rules here. These simplify the decision.

Cara Harvey 00:23:17 They. Step two use the timer two option. What would you tell a friend? Flip a coin if you need some help, set a deadline. This is another tip I didn’t have in the slides, but a deadline will help you move forward and a deadline for when you want to make your next decision. I’m going to decide on this, work on this, and then next week I’m going to make another decision that helps. Don’t forget making the decision is also the goal. And then just remind yourself that progress is always going to be better than perfection. So moving forward is better than standing still. And we have to tell our brain this five minutes, I have to work on this project that I want to work on is better than the zero minutes. And it’s not the 30 minutes I would like, but it’s more and I’m going to take it. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of The Purpose Driven Mom Show. If this episode served you in any way, we would really appreciate it if you headed over to wherever you listen to podcast, hit that five star and leave a review and a rating.

Cara Harvey 00:24:13 That’s how more moms can find us and we can grow our community. If you had a tip or an Make sure you come over and tag me at a Purpose Driven Mom on Instagram and share it with your friends. The best way for us to get this message out there of less hustle and less shame and more intentionality, is for you to share it with people you know need to hear it. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you and I can’t wait to connect with you more outside of the podcast.