Cara Harvey 00:00:03 Welcome to the Purpose Driven Moms show here at A Purpose Driven Mom, we believe that it’s possible to manage your home, work on your personal goals, and grow and scale an online business. Most productivity tips out there tell you to hustle more and make you feel shame about not being motivated enough. And we’re here to dispel this myth. I’m Kara Harvey, and I am on a mission to help work at home. Moms realize that they have the power to go after their dreams, take care of themselves, and manage their home without perfectionism, guilt, or having to sacrifice their sleep. If you’re ready to shift your thinking around productivity and get some practical tips to help you manage your mom life. Toss your earbuds in while you fold the laundry. And let’s do this! Welcome to the purpose of our Moms Show episode 467. Today I’m bringing you and ask me anything. So in my Facebook group, which if you’re not in it, just search Purpose Driven Mom community and come and join us. We have a lot of fun, interactive things that we’ll do together and you can ask me questions like this.

Cara Harvey 00:00:58 I posted, I said, all said, all right, well, what do you want to pick my brain on? And so I’ve got a random bunch of questions, but I’m gonna do my best to answer them casually today. Show notes they’re going to be at a Purpose Driven mom.com/podcast four, six, seven, where you can scroll up or get any of the resources. All right. I am going to dive into the questions and listen. If you have a question, something you want me to answer on the podcast, just DM me over at a Purpose Driven Mom or make sure again, you’re in the group, which we’ll link over in the show notes. All right. Maria’s first question is what we’ve got to kick us off today. How to prioritize my to do list with chronic illness and pain. Now I want to throw this caveat of I’m not someone who has a chronic illness, but I’ve been there a few years ago, which I can’t believe I’m saying. It’s like a few years ago.

Cara Harvey 00:01:37 It feels like it was just yesterday. I got mono very badly and it was awful. I did not know that I had mono. I did not know why I was sick, why my body was in so much pain. Like I had no idea doctors tested me for autoimmune things. I have a nodule like a tumor on my thyroid. We got that tested. It was benign, like all these things that we did. And finally, after months of feeling awful, it was that I had mono this whole entire time. I would have to get up an hour before I wanted to be functional because my body ached so badly that I couldn’t move. So I’d wake myself up an hour before and just lay on the couch, kind of like slowly rubbing my body and trying to get it ready to go. I was exhausted, the fatigue was insane. And apparently I must have had mono at some point earlier because I had the Epstein-Barr virus in my system. So while I do not have a chronic illness that I am currently struggling with, I just want to let you know that because of that experience, I do feel like I understand a little bit more my moms who come to me, who are struggling with it and I will say, I actually I attract a lot of moms who are struggling with chronic illness, and I think it’s because they’re so fed up with having to do everything, push forward when they don’t feel well.

Cara Harvey 00:02:53 Lots of them in my community at the Purpose Driven Mom Club. So I want to give you some tips if you’re struggling with this, because not every day is going to feel great. We’re going to talk proactive and reactive. Proactive are the things you do before, and reactive is what you will do after. Proactively. What I highly recommend you to do because you know your body, you know yourself, you know your symptoms, you know what it’s going to feel like when you’re not feeling 100% right. We create when the poop hits the fan blocks. I teach this system of basically when you’re not feeling crappy, you make a plan for when you do feel crappy. Because when you’re feeling bad, when you’re having a low energy day, when your body is in pain, when all these things are happening, and the next few days after which we’ll talk about in a second. Your brain isn’t equipped to actually make all these plans. So when you’re actually feeling good, when you’re in a good set, maybe when you’re ovulating.

Cara Harvey 00:03:40 So your body’s like in a really good planning stage and you’re ready to go make this. When the poop hits the fan block for yourself, you’re going to thank yourself. Now, what do you include in it? It is the bare minimum. So if you’ve been around, you know, I teach a time blocking system where you chunk your day by natural anchors in your day. 3 to 4 hours inside each of your time blocks. When you have a when the poop hits the fan block, I want you to pick one thing. Now why do I recommend one thing versus let your body completely rest? What happens often for my moms who have chronic illnesses, but who are also like still trying to not get behind because this is the problem. This is what I found. If I took an entire day off when I was struggling with the mono like did nothing, just laid in bed all day. I then already started my next day behind. I started my next day feeling off. But I don’t want you to do a ton of things.

Cara Harvey 00:04:24 I want you to take care of your body. I want you to listen to your body, but I want you to pick one inside each time block. I want you to pick one small thing that you can do that will help you sustain the day. Sustain your energy. Get ready for tomorrow. Just one thing and I mean one. So on some of those days, my one thing might be, I’m going to go take a shower. My one thing might be I’m gonna make lunch. Depending on how I’m feeling or whatever it is, maybe I will one meal prep, right? I might throw some muffins in the oven and then I’m sitting down. Then I’m doing whatever might be one thing for my goal. What this does is it allows your brain to remind itself, I am permitted to rest because you are. I need the rest. Because you do. But I don’t want to give up on the momentum. The momentum is honestly your biggest thing when it comes to your goals, right? And so what I recommend is you pick one.

Cara Harvey 00:05:10 This is going to be key. All right. Now here’s the other tip I’m going to give you. And it is your reentry plan. Because I was working with one of our moms Ellen. She’s been around for a while. She struggled with migraines. And we kind of come up with plans not only for the days she had migraines, but for the day after, because the day after the migraine, she is feeling behind because she didn’t do the things on her to do list. She’s also still tired, right? She’s also still fatigued. But what do we do? We go, you know, all in thinking we have to do all these things and then we’re going to drain ourselves. We’re going to be exhausted again. So not only are you going to create your plan for the days it happens, but I also recommend you create your plan for the day after or the next day. Again, you know your body and how much time you need. Maybe the day after your flare up or whatever’s happening for you where you’re sick, things like that.

Cara Harvey 00:06:03 You’re like, all right, I picked one small thing. And again, I mean it. Like most days when I was struggling with mono, it was like, I’m gonna get my kids to school. That was my one. Then it was like, I’m gonna shower. That was my two. Then it was like, I can’t really work right now, but I can like watch 15 minutes of a lesson to like, learn something. It was so small because I was like, I just need to sleep the rest of the time. So what I want you to do then, is I want you to come up with two things. All right, so your reentry day might be two things. The day after might be three things, and then you start to get your routine back. What this does is it allows you to not say, I can’t do anything. It allows your brain to be in a healthier mindset that you’re quote unquote, not losing all those days, but allows you to have a plan that is intentional with a ton of grace.

Cara Harvey 00:06:47 And if you’re struggling with chronic illness, fatigue, all those things. Big hugs, because it is challenging. It is not easy to push our bodies when our bodies need rest. So just that reminder that when you’re in the moment, listen to what you need. I would recommend journaling to as much as you want video. Journal, a little audio on your phone, a notepad. How do you feel, right? Like, hey, I notice, like I said, I need an hour. If I get up an hour before I want to be functional for the kids, then I’m able to start my day a little bit better. It took me a while to figure that out. I had to pay attention to my body. I was getting up when I wanted to start my day, and then I was feeling even worse because my kids were getting up too, and I was still sitting there in so much pain. Right? So I think it’s really important to journal out how your body feels, what your body needs, and pay attention so that you can make your own plan.

Cara Harvey 00:07:39 All right, Maria, that was a great question and hopefully it helped anyone else struggling with chronic illness. I want to chat with you now and invite you to grab one of my top free resources that have been downloaded almost 4000 times, and this is my ultimate weekly planning checklist. If you are ready to go into your week feeling less frazzled and more in control. This checklist is for you. It’s going to help you set up your week, save time running around, and plan out all the time you need for you, your goals, your family, your business, the whole thing. It’s the exact same checklist that we use in the Purpose Driven Mom Club every Sunday. And not only do I give you the checklist of what to follow to plan your week, but I will give you a Trello board if you want to use Trello with it. Absolutely free with a video tutorial, it is going to take you less than 30 minutes a week to plan the week and save you hours. If you want to go and snag this checklist, you can go to a purpose driven checklist and it’ll be there absolutely free for you.

Cara Harvey 00:08:35 Again, go to a Purpose driven Mom checklist and get your copy. All right. Alexandra has our next question and is how to successfully delegate household tasks to your partner and your kids So that you’re not doing it all. Let’s talk about it. I struggle sometimes with this because I do like to control things. I want them to be the way that I want them to be and things like that. But I found that once I release control, I allow myself to get help and I relax a little bit. It really does lighten my load. And also the thing I remind myself when I’m struggling with delegating because I feel guilty and my brain’s like I’m the mom I should write. I should be the one who does all these things. But then I reminded myself, then the phrase we use here is stop shooting on yourself. When you notice that you’re saying the word should over and over and over again. Ask yourself, where is that voice coming from? This is step one. You have to get over the mindset of I have to do it on my own.

Cara Harvey 00:09:34 I cannot ask for help and my way is the only way. Okay, that’s the biggest part of the battle. That’s that’s phase one is you. Are you okay with if my husband goes to the grocery store and he doesn’t do it the way that I want if my kids put the laundry away and they do it a certain way. Am I okay with it? And if I’m not? I ask myself why? What is really holding me back? What is making me feel like it has to be perfect? You know that perfectionism is holding you back. I really suggest starting with okay, like what is holding me back the most mentally? What is my roadblock? Because until you get over that hump, you’re not going to be able to get there. So ask yourself, what is it that I’m afraid of? Why am I not delegating? Why have I not tried to do it right? And then ask yourself what the truth is. Well, you know, I haven’t tried to delegate to my husband because, you know, he’s just going to feel like it’s my job.

Cara Harvey 00:10:22 I don’t know, is that the truth? Right. And it might be, but question. Well, I haven’t delegated the laundry to my kids because it’s just easier if I do it myself. Is that the truth? Yes. But in the long run. Right. And I just want to impart this wisdom I often don’t get to give it, but I have an 18 year old who’s going to college this year, and I feel like I’m in this unique situation where I also have my younger two. And because of this, I look at him and I’m like, did we do enough? So, moms, I just want to encourage you. Especially I don’t care how old your child is, they’re never too old to learn something from you even at 41 years old. Like, I’ll sometimes ask my mom, like how to do something that I don’t know how to do, right? Like, your kids are never too young to learn and they’re never too old to learn. Just remind yourself that your job I heard this I can’t remember the podcast, but it was so good and it was saying how our job as parents is to become consultants in our children’s lives.

Cara Harvey 00:11:17 Our job is to eventually be the people that they come to when they need things, not their be all, end all. And I was watching this TikTok and she was a dance teacher, the lady and she I think I gave this example a couple of episodes ago, but she had said, you can tell the the kids whose parents do everything for them when you get into class, right? And I, as a Girl Scout leader, I can tell, right? I can tell the parents who maybe do a little bit more for them, the girls who, when I ask them to do something independent, they like, look around a little bit, like they don’t know how to act and it’s no one’s fault. We want to serve our families. We want to care for them. We want to teach them. But really, your goal is to help create these adults. So you want to teach them how to do things now. So yeah. Is it easy? I was just talking to my kids about this because they used to do their own laundry.

Cara Harvey 00:11:59 I took over the laundry because it was easier. And guess what? We’ve just never gotten back into the routine where they’re doing it again. So we were saying, oh, summer is coming. You guys are doing your laundry again. And my son this morning, actually, I was going upstairs. He was getting dressed and he was like, mom, look at all the laundry we have in our basket. And I was like, I know it’s so much, why don’t you do it? And he’s like, what? And I’m like, you know how to do it, right? He’s like, I know how. He’s like, I just don’t want to, right? And it was that reminder for me that like I’ve taught him, but then I’ve been the one holding it close to my chest, right? So step one is get over that hump. Step two is to create your own vision. What do you want this to look like? What does help look like for you? And I get frustrated a little bit with my husband sometimes.

Cara Harvey 00:12:39 And you know, we talk about the mental load. I talked to my therapist about this because it’s like my husband cannot read my mind, but sometimes I just want to be like, can you take a little more initiative? Now he’s great. He does so much stuff. Like I used to do a lot more. I used to make his lunches and do his laundry. I don’t do any of that because he’s he’s particular. He likes things a certain way. And I found that it was just easier for him to do his things, particularly than for me to get frustrated because whatever, he’d give me feedback on some lunch or something, and I was like, okay, go make your own lunch, right? I think it’s important for you to create your vision. What does this look like? What does it look like for you if for let’s do the laundry example with my kids. For my kids to do the laundry, what does it have to look like and what steps have to be in place before it happens? I want you to do all this before you talk to your your partner, before you talk to your kids.

Cara Harvey 00:13:24 So I’m gonna do this laundry example because it’s real time and it’s me. And I’m literally in this phase where we’re about to have them reclaim their laundry habit. Okay. One thing that they need, do they have a laundry basket in their room? Well, the answer is yes. But here’s the thing. My kids used to have two laundry baskets in their room. They would each have their own. And this is what made laundry work for us was because the water is like, I’m not doing my brother’s laundry and vice versa. So and they share a room, which I should say. So they share room one basket. Well, the second basket, I think it’s in my oldest room. I haven’t seen it in months. I’m assuming it’s in my oldest room, so I need to get a second basket again so they can each have their own things so they can each learn how to do their laundry. They’re not going to want to do their laundry together. So step one is like, oh wait, do we have the steps? It’s like when you ask your kids to clean the room, do your kids know how to clean a room? If you say, put all the cars away, is there a place for the cars to go? And if we have not set them up for success there, it’s going to be a problem.

Cara Harvey 00:14:15 So I go ahead and I’m going to I’m going to go find that basket. I’m gonna do this today actually. Well, when you’re listening to this, it’s like July and I’m recording this in May, but I’m going to do it today. I’m going to go find the laundry basket, put it in their room so that they can start over. Then I want you to go through anything else that you need and then write down what it would look like. Okay, now for my kids, I’m a little more particular about myself shaping the routine. So what it would look like is that my kids are each going to get laundry days. Now there’s a couple laundry things. My son plays baseball. I’m gonna do his baseball pants. I want to teach him how to do his baseball pants. We’re gonna wait a little bit on that. The season is almost over. I’m gonna be in charge of the baseball pants. Right. But what does it look like? What are the steps? I’m going to write down the steps for them.

Cara Harvey 00:14:51 I’m going to have them pick their laundry day. We’re gonna go ahead and then we’re going to go through I do we do you do. Right. So I used to do in teaching all the time. I’m going to make sure I show them how to do laundry. We’re going to do it together. Then you do it on your own. That could take weeks. I just want to be clear about that. I do it the first week. We do it the second and the third week, the fourth week, and then by maybe the fifth week, I’m letting them do it on their own with checks, with feedback, with, okay, did you put your laundry in all right. Before you hit go, let me check all the dials. All right. Let me watch you put like I just watch, like I just observe. And that part, honestly, if I’m real with myself, that’s probably going to be until August. Like, if I start this this week, which I’m feeling pretty convicted too, because I feel like this laundry example keeps coming up for me.

Cara Harvey 00:15:35 So I feel like it’s it’s a time for it. I’m probably going to maybe the first week in August, let them do their own laundry without me checking it. It’s going to take months and that’s okay. And I think that’s the other thing with our kids. We have to be okay with the fact that it might take a while now when it comes to our partners, this is a little bit trickier because your dynamic plays in your marriage dynamic, the roles you play in your home, all of those things. If you’ve never read Fair Play by Brodsky, I 100% recommend it, because that actually really helps teach you exactly how to delegate and not just delegate, but redistribute chores and tasks in your home. Because this is the thing I said to my husband this year, we’re in such a busy season. It’s just it’s just been so busy. We call this the activity season of kids, right? And I just said to him the other day, like, thank you for being my partner. Like, I feel like me and him, we’ve been married 11 years.

Cara Harvey 00:16:22 We’re really at a stage where I was getting frustrated, to be honest, about a couple things. I felt like I was doing a lot. I was working from home, you know, and being a stay at home mom, like I was doing both things and he’s taking feedback. We’ve had conversations. I truly feel like we’re a team, right? Like we really feel like this is a partnership and that’s really the goal, right? But at the same time, your marriage might have different roles, responsibilities, things that you’ve discussed, etc.. Because I also work, we’ve just discussed delegating and assigning tasks a little bit differently. If I was a stay at home mom, I might take on a few more of those, but not everything. Okay, so again, go through the steps. What’s holding me back from asking for help? What’s my vision for it? And then have that meeting. And I want you to use a lot of I statements, right. Hey, I’m feeling a little bit stressed out about all of the tasks that are on my plate because I’m working.

Cara Harvey 00:17:12 Also because the baby’s not sleeping. Because I’m just feeling tired, right? Use your eyes statements. I’m feeling a little bit, you know, burnt out. I’m feeling a little bit overwhelmed. I could really use some help with this task. Okay, so you could come in with one task or multiple. I don’t say I need help because then they’re going to say, what do you need help with? Think this through first one, 2 or 3 tasks that you are like I’m struggling with this. I’m struggling with the grocery shopping. I’m struggling with the calendar. I’m struggling with the budgeting. Whatever it is. Would you be able to take one of these off my plate? I really need the help and just have them pick one. Okay, then you have to let go. Then you have to release the worry of how they do it, okay? Because they’re not going to do it the same way you do it. Now. My husband and I, I typically do the grocery shopping, but we have come up with a system for when I can’t because I was doing the grocery shopping, and then I was traveling a lot this year with my daughter for cheer on weekends, so I wasn’t having time to go to the store on the weekend.

Cara Harvey 00:18:09 He needed to help, like it just needed to happen or we weren’t getting groceries. So we came up with a good system because I was gonna. I know I would lose it if he would be like, what do we need? And I would be like, look in the freaking fridge. Like, I can’t like, think for yourself, like, I don’t. I know that I don’t handle that. Sort of like, put your mental load on me very well because I’m like, you have a brain too, right? So I asked myself, instead of getting annoyed, what system? Because I love a good system could we create? So we have a notepad on our phone. It’s a shared note and I went through when I went to Aldi, and I kind of assigned it based on sections of the store, the different aisles, and then my Aldi changed, so whatever. So it’s a shared note. And the system is that over the weekend because we typically shop on like Sundays. One of us typically me I will say because I also cook dinner.

Cara Harvey 00:18:52 So I do a lot of menu planning, but we buy most of the same stuff. So I’ll go through. I’ll put an asterisk if we don’t need it. Right. Like we have like, oh, I make homemade ice cream, right? The ice cream that I make lasts us about two weeks before my kids eat at all. Sometimes three weeks, right? Depending on if they remember it’s there. So I need a can of sweetened condensed milk. And I need heavy cream when I make the ice cream. Well, sometimes I might buy two cans of sweetened condensed milk when I’m at the store, so I don’t need it right? But I keep sweetened condensed milk on my list, so I don’t forget that this is a thing I want to look at. This way, either of us can go to the grocery store and get the items. So I think it’s a mix of also trying to come up with your system first and then norming for yourself. What does this look like? And then letting it go, letting it go.

Cara Harvey 00:19:31 You cannot do it all. And sometimes some of it will have to, you know, get put off your plate. And here’s the other thing. And I and again, I’m not a marriage counselor, so don’t come at me with this. But I saw this TikTok again. Spend too much time on TikTok, as you can see. And it was like, my husband thinks that like the soap, like self-generated or something. And it was like clips of the husband being like, you know, we’ve, you know, we’ve lived here for like four years. And I realized, like, we always have soap. Like there’s just always like he’s not realizing and you and the moms like, yeah, you always have soap because I always buy the soap. Like, so she stopped buying it and then they were like, oh, you don’t have soap? And it was like, what are you gonna do about that? Right? Because I think sometimes we enable people because we want to take care of them.

Cara Harvey 00:20:16 But then it gets to the point where we’re doing so much that it becomes just exhausting. So you have to give it up and be open to that. And, you know, if your partners are open to that, I highly recommend some marriage therapy or something to help get the conversation flowing. Take a quick second. I want to invite you to join. One of my new favorite apps is called Brand Club. I am all about trying to get my side hustle on right. And one of the things I hate doing is taking money out of my pre-planned budget for tiny things that pop up, like the snack stand during football season, or the $10 you have to Venmo somewhere else because you need it for school. And I found Brand Club to literally fill that gap for me. Here’s what I do with it. Every single day I go in, I earn between a dollar and $1.50. It takes me two minutes and I just fill in some surveys. Super simple. Very easy. I also will link it to my Amazon, my Walmart and my target account.

Cara Harvey 00:21:04 So when I buy things anyway, I get cash back. It takes me about ten days, but I earn $10 and when I get my $10, I cash it to my Venmo Girl math. I’m using it all the places I want to share with you a $3 code to get started, because you need $10 to cash out. So let me give you $3. I’ll get $3 if you sign up. I really appreciate it. Go to a Purpose Driven Mom club. Do it on your phone because it’s going to bring you up to the app so you can download it. It’s a really easy way to just get some side money going, so you don’t have to take it out of your regular budget and make some money for yourself. That’s a purpose driven, mom. All right, I’m going to take this last question, and then I’m going to do a part two of this, where I answer the rest of them so that we can keep these short and sweet for you, because we know it’s the summer.

Cara Harvey 00:21:48 Okay. Danielle had a great question. She said, summer vibes. Let’s talk about it. I’m all about it. How do you get kids to stick to the schedule for no screens when you need to work? This is a big one. All right. Now, like everything I teach, proactive versus reactive. What is the system you have set up and what are the expectations. So I’m going to be remaking this with my kids because we did a contract when they my kids used to have Amazon Fire tablets when they were like three ish, right? They stopped using them. They I don’t even know where they are. They stopped charging them, etc.. They they’re old, right? I never bought them new tablets. So then they didn’t have tablets for like 2 or 3 years. This year we bought them tablets. It was their first time getting them. And now that they’re old enough to like play games and want to do things, I made up a contract. Okay. Before it starts.

Cara Harvey 00:22:33 Or now. Or whenever you listen to this, do you have a tech contract with your kids? I think it’s important to do this and go over the rules. I don’t care how old they are. All right. And what I’ve loved about this is the tech contract is like the things I wish I did more of to, and they call me out on it. I’ll give some examples. So in our tech contract we went over each of the rules okay. There were rules on screen time limits. We had rules on where and when you can use your tech. So this is just for the tablet. But for the summer I will be creating one that encompasses the switch, the TV and their tablet. Right? Right now this was just their tablet one, but for their tablet one, like you can’t use it in your bedroom like tablets are not in the bedroom. Now, my kids don’t have a lot of stuff that’s connected to the internet. You know, they’re not allowed on YouTube. That was like, that’s one of my rules.

Cara Harvey 00:23:16 My daughter does have messenger kids, but she doesn’t always use it. But it’s like you can’t use it in your room. I want you because and that’s twofold. And I explain to them why, one, I’m monitoring kind of what you’re doing, especially like, you know, if I want to just check it. But also I know that for me, I will isolate with tech. I will go to bed early so I can scroll my phone. I will watch the show I want to watch and be away from my family. The point of the tech is not to be like, I don’t want you to get that habit now of isolating. So then when you’re a teenager and you get a cell phone, you’re in your you know what I mean? Like, I don’t want that. So no tech in your room is one of our rules. We also, again, there’s certain things that they’re not allowed to use. If you don’t, you’re in charge of plugging it up. And I’m gonna tell you this is so hard right now.

Cara Harvey 00:23:57 My kids tablets are not plugged up. They’re Chromebook for school. It’s the same charger, so they use the same charger. We have other chargers, but it just happens to be the same one. So they tend to like put their Chromebooks for school and then they’ll plug up their tablets. They’ve not plugged their tablets up in a couple of days. And I’m itching I see them I want to plug them in. I’m like, they’re not going to be plugged in. And tomorrow, Saturday and we’re going to be at the ball field for my son, which means my daughter is going to want her tablet while we’re out there. But I’m not doing it because I was plugging it in and I was like, that’s not teaching them anything. They need the natural consequence of you need to be responsible for this. So they’re in charge of plugging it up. If it’s not charge, that’s a new problem, right? Like type of a thing. Which again is so hard. But I’m I’m trying so hard to stick to my guns on this one.

Cara Harvey 00:24:40 What are some of our other rules. They can’t just download apps. They have to ask. They’re only allowed to download one app at a time. So they started with one app. Then the next day they could get a second, then a third. Now I think they have like 6 or 7 apps and they have it’s been like three weeks and they haven’t asked for a new app, so whatever. But they have to ask and get it approved before they’re allowed and they only get extra time on the weekends, which is why I’m remaking my schedule for the summer, because it’s going to be whatever. They get an hour a day on their tablets, and if they want extra time on the weekends, which is again, I’m going to incorporate this into my summer plan. I have a list on the fridge that says, you want extra time. Is your room clean? Step one if you can’t be responsible with your room, I’m not. You’re not going to get a extra tablet time. So step one is you go through and you have a contract with your kids.

Cara Harvey 00:25:21 You talk through what it looks like for tech. Okay, now if you have a boundary that you can create for work, I recommend it. So what do I mean by that a door. I am lucky that I have an office space so that I can close and open a door. I know a lot of people don’t, so if you don’t have an office space, you’re going to want to create that space that this is mommy’s workspace, bedroom, extra room. If you can get away from the kitchen table, I recommend it, right? Find yourself a space that you can delineate with literally get some duct tape. Right. This is mommy’s workspace. Talk to them about that. Now we have closed door, open door rule here. My kids know that if I’m working in the office and the door is closed. So let’s test this theory, because I’m recording right now. My husband just came home and let’s see if he can listen like the kids, because sometimes he likes to come in.

Cara Harvey 00:26:06 If the door is closed, do not come in, right? If the door is closed, mommy is working. I’m either in a closed door meeting. I’m recording you. Don’t come in. Okay, now, this took a while to be real. I had to talk my kids through this. We had to. Nope. Go outside. Oh, mommy’s in a meeting. Oh, mommy’s in it. Close the door. Right. It took years. Okay? I’ve been doing this for eight years, so? So it might not be perfect this summer, but stay consistent and remind them, hey, did you notice the door is closed? So mommy’s in a meeting if I have an open door, which means I’m working at my desk, but the door is open, feel free to come in and ask me questions. I might just be doing some stuff at my computer so I can listen out for you. All right? I also make a plan for what they’re doing during that time. So when mommy is in work calls, in particular coaching calls, I let them have tech because I don’t want to be interrupted.

Cara Harvey 00:26:51 Now that is an hour to two a day that I’m just like, screw it. I can’t care that much because I want to make sure you’re distracted a little bit, right? The time where I’m doing open door work, that’s the time where we have an activity list of what they’re doing that’s not tech. So we have the list plan. Okay, mommy’s going to get some work done at the computer. If you want, you can come in here and you can color, you can draw, you can work on a puzzle. You can go play outside. Right. It’s important to have a plan for them because then they’re just like, I’m bored and you’re going to want to go, just go on the tablet. Just leave me alone because that’s real, right? Like I might I don’t watch a lot of TV because the reason I let my kids watch TV is so I can have a break. Like I’m gonna be real so I can do something else. So go ahead and make sure you have that predetermined list for them.

Cara Harvey 00:27:34 I also recommend, if you can, depending on your job, is chunk out your day so that you aren’t working all day in the summer if possible. So I’ve shared this on a couple of previous episodes at this point, but I have calls almost every day, and during that call time I will chunk that out for work. So if I have a 10 a.m. call on Tuesdays, which I typically do, then my work hours are going to be from 10 to 12, from 9 to 12, right? I have that time and then I’m done. Then I finish work at 12 and then I can be free with my kids. The task will span to the time you give it. So if I tell myself I only have three hours to get work done, I’m going to get more. I might not get it all done, but I’ll get more done than I need in the summer. I also, unfortunately, like I break my boundaries. Some of my boundaries are that I only work during like the school day.

Cara Harvey 00:28:16 Well, obviously if my kids are in at camp and they’re home, it’s different. So then I work in the mornings or I stay up a little bit late. It’s not ideal, but it’s short term. You can do it this summer, I promise. Now, listen, I know the episode got funky at the end, but you can check out show notes at a purpose driven romcom podcast for 67. I’m going to do a part two next week where I’m going to answer the rest of the questions, and if you have a question, head into our Facebook group, A Purpose Driven Community, or DM me over on Instagram at Purpose Driven Mom. Thanks so much for listening to this episode of The Purpose Driven Mom Show. If this episode served you in any way, we would really appreciate it if you headed over to wherever you listen to podcast. Hit that five star and leave a review and a rating. That’s how more moms can find us and we can grow our community. If you had a tip or an Make sure you come over and tag me at a Purpose Driven Mom on Instagram and share it with your friends.

Cara Harvey 00:29:03 The best way for us to get this message out there of less hustle and less shame and more intentionality, is for you to share it with people you know need to hear it. Thanks for listening. We appreciate you and I can’t wait to connect with you more outside of the podcast.