Cara Harvey (00:18.808)

Welcome The Purpose Driven Mom Show, episode 513. Today I want to talk to you about something I call the steady strategy. And this is how you’re gonna be able to stay consistent when life gets busy. I know that you’re maybe great at planning, maybe not, but I know that a lot of the moms I work with are, you know, I can make the plan, but I struggle to implement, right? So you make the plan, you make the routine, you’re excited on Monday, and then someone is sick, the schedule’s changed, you don’t have childcare.

And then it’s been two weeks since you’ve even looked at or touched your goals. If you’re always feeling like you’re starting over, and then deal with you know, you know the cycle, right? I’m being inconsistent. Then I feel guilt. Well, so then I overplan so that I can catch up. But now I’m just burned out. Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, right? But what if we look at consistency differently today? What if consistency isn’t about doing more, but about staying steady? And that’s what we’re gonna talk about. You’ll hear me say throughout this episode and all over the place.

Consistent doesn’t have to mean constant. Worried at all about the steady strategy today. This is a sustainable, flexible way to move forward even when it’s chaotic. Your show notes will be at a purposedrivenmom.com slash podcast five thirteen. Now I know that you have the best intentions, but a lot of moms struggle with consistency for a few reasons. These are the ones I see most with the moms I work with in my programs. One, unrealistic expectations. We plan like

We have all the time in the world, right? You plan like you have uninterrupted time, putting way too much inside your time block. When in reality you have lots of little or big distractions, right? And there are things that pull you in all directions. The other reason I notice a lot of moms struggle with this is that all or nothing thinking. It’s the way they’re thinking about consistency. If I don’t do it fully, I won’t do it at all. If I don’t show up every day, then it doesn’t count at all.

If we can rewrite that thought pattern, I think you’re going to start to see more consistency in yourself. The other thing that you might be struggling with, and again, as I’m reading through these, think through like, huh, are these things that I’m doing? Because if we can pinpoint what specifically you’re doing that might be getting in the way of your consistency, we can make a plan around it. It’s not just, I’m not consistent, I’ll never figure it out. It’s this thing or this thing or this thing. Let’s make it micro, right? Are you overloading your routines?

Cara Harvey (02:42.934)

Trying to change everything at once. Now I talk about my habit stacking method because it works. When you don’t try to change everything at once, when you slowly allow yourself to give the space and the time to let things stick, that is when you get to be more steady, more consistent, show up more. When instead you’re like, I’m just going to change it all. And if it doesn’t work, it’s my fault. That’s the struggle bus, right? That’s the mentality we’re on. And the other thing about consistency.

Is this thought that it has to be daily and forgetting that life is variable? Schids, the summer schedules, right? Or the end of school year schedules. My kids still have a couple weeks left, but maybe yours are already done. The emotional load of what’s happening today and the mental fatigue. This morning I woke up and was dealing with some other things in my personal life from multiple things that I deal with, right? Kids stuff, you know, whatever.

And it was just like drama, drama, drama, drama from the morning. Like I I think it was like the morning. I was like in my workout. So what is this? Like six forty-five in the morning. And I’m like, my gosh. I didn’t account for the mental load that was going to come from that. And then I’m still trying to show up consistently.

Cara Harvey (04:06.188)

It isn’t that you’re inconsistent with everything in the way that you traditionally look at inconsistency. It’s that you’re trying to apply these rigid black and white systems to a flexible reality. If you can instead create a plan like the steady strategy we’re gonna talk about today, you’re gonna be able to adapt when life changes. Steady is not the same as constant. Steady is not the same as perfect. Steady is repeatable.

Steady is adaptable and steady is forgiving. Perfect is rigid, fragile, right? One thing doesn’t happen, it’s done. It’s easy to break. Constant means always. When I talk about consistency, I’m talking about you showing up in a way that makes sense. You could say that I’m going to make my bed once a week. And if you do it once a week, that’s consistent for you.

Just because you’re not doing it every day yet doesn’t mean that it’s not consistent, right? So I want you to shift that identity and that thought pattern from I just need to be consistent to I am someone who can return back to things cons quickly. I am someone who can make steps forward, right? It’s not about never missing, it’s about restarting in a flexible way.

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Cara Harvey (05:35.179)

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Cara Harvey (05:48.526)

Alright, there’s five pillars today that we’re gonna walk through of my steady strategy. All right. And I want you to think through these five pillars and ask yourself: how can I move forward on these? First pillar is shrink your baseline. This is the number one thing we’re doing. We’re making it too much, we’re making it too big. I want you to create a minimum version of the goal that you’re working on. So, right now, before we jump into the five things, think of a place where you find yourself not being as

quote unquote consistent. We’ll use that for clear, you know, throughout this, as you would like. Okay. You got it in your head, ready? You got it? Now I want you to create a minimum version of this. Okay. Instead of I’m gonna work out every day, right? For an hour, what’s the minimum? It could be I work out three times a week. It could be I work out for 15 minutes, right? Make a minimal version. Instead of I’m gonna get all of these things on my work tasks done, what’s my one thing? And this really helped me get back on track.

when I was coming out of this busy season that I’m in, I just needed to get back on track with my routines. I needed to get my work schedule back. So I said, I’m gonna pick one task. And this is something I coach moms in the club with a lot. We pick one task per time block. Now I teach a concept of theming time blocks, including your micro three. But if you’re not ready to start at your micro three, can you pick one if I can get one thing done? And then we slowly increase that, right? What’s one task if I get done today is gonna feel like my win.

Instead of I’m gonna declutter my whole house, I’m gonna clean the kitchen, I’m gonna load my dishes. What’s one reset you can do? This first step will remove the resistance you feel from that all or nothing thinking to I have to get it all done. Okay. If something only counts when it’s big, it’s not gonna happen when your life is full. You have to have a minimum viable version of.

Your goals. We like to call that over here the when the poop hits the fan, right? Like what’s the minimum you’ll get done? If all you get done right now is you take a shower and get dressed, cool, right? Because if it’s only I have to do this three-hour routine every day, and then life throws you off, it’s not going to work. So step one is shrink your baseline to start to create this steady plan.

Cara Harvey (08:12.27)

Step number two of the study strategy is to anchor into what already exists. This is what we call a habit trigger. If you already have something that works, how can you couple it? So today I actually just got off a coaching call for the Purpose Shiver Mom Club and she was trying to get some learning in, but she said, you know, this isn’t on the Purpose Shiver Mom Club, we have a program called SOAR. Now, the SOAR stuff you can listen to. We have a private podcast, but some of it you want to watch because I teach on Trello. And so she was like, you know, I really want to sit and watch this, but I’m not sure what to do. So we decided couple it with your meal.

When you sit down to have breakfast, that’s when you’re gonna do it. So ask yourself, what can I do to couple this new routine, new habit, and task with something that’s already working? As soon as I get home from school drop off, this is what I’m gonna do, right? For me, once I drop my kids off in the morning, that’s when I make my breakfast. I do my Bible routine. I’ve coupled it together. It’s nap time. What is my nap time thing that I’m gonna do? Right before dinner, right before I go to bed.

What I want you to do is keep quote unquote consistency and steadiness tied to your real life, not an ideal schedule. So pick the things that are already working. There are some, by the way, you’re probably like, no Kara, none of my routines working. I’m falling apart. Everything’s a mess. You might feel that way. But I want you to look at your day and ask, do you brush your teeth every day? I mean, when I was in newborn phase, that was like a maybe, right? But are you getting dressed every day, right? What do you do right before you go to bed? What are those things that are already happening that you can anchor into?

Once you’ve done that, we’re gonna plan for the disruption. And this isn’t about being negative. This isn’t about being a Debbie Downer. This isn’t saying like glass is half empty. This is just not looking at everything being perfect and building what we call when the poop hits the fan. These are your messy weak plans. Before you need them, you make them before you need them. What am I gonna do if I’m tired? No, I always give this example because I work with some women who have chronic illness, and we have to make plans around that.

So, what do I do on a day where I have a migraine? What do I do on the next day? What do I do on the mornings where I’m upsick with my kid nursing through the night? What does that look like? So that way when life is life, you’re not saying I have to throw it all out. You’re saying, well, at least what can I do? What is my version of this specific routine, my morning, my evening, my healthy habits, my finance routine, whatever, on a chaotic day? So you make your what we call good, better, best.

Cara Harvey (10:34.88)

My best version of this morning routine is this, my better version, like I can’t get it all done, but I can get this done, and my good enough version. And then, and again, pull your minimum viable, and then you say, I have it. I want you to stop planning for your best week and start planning for your real week. Because what often happens and why we think we can’t be consistent.

It’s because when life throws us off, because it will, we don’t have a backup plan. And then we take that to mean I’m a failure, I’m a loser, I’m never gonna be consistent. When in reality, you just didn’t make a plan that you could pull from your toolbox. Our fourth step of this steady system is tracking the right wins. It’s not only tracking streaks. Now, I’m a like good streak person. I’ve been doing stretching every day since my 42nd birthday last month, April 3rd. I said,

I’m gonna stretch every day of year 42 because I’m working on my mobility. I’ve been having a lot of shoulder pain. I want to take care of myself as I age, right? I do track that, but I also track other things. So instead of just tracking your streaks when it comes to goals, I want you to stretch track a couple other things. How much effort did you put in? How much time? I always share having visible trackers, and I share this example of getting like a jar and some pom-pom balls. Every time you show up for a goal, whether you complete something or not, right? Maybe you’re like, I’m gonna declutter this room.

And whether I decluttered it or just showed up, I put my pom-pom ball in, right? I’m tracking the effort. I’m tracking the showing up. I also want you to track returning. I come back after three days is still a win. I’ve been sick. You might hear in this episode I’ve having to stop and cough a lot. I’m very congested. So I’ve been getting over a cold and I hadn’t worked out in about six days, which for me I t I try not to take more than two days off. I typically work out about five days a week.

and I I na I really, really don’t like to take more than two days off because it’s really hard to get back. Well, I was out. I needed my sleep. I took six days off. So on Monday, I came back and I jumped back into my workout. I didn’t say I have to start the plan over. I didn’t have to start the I just got started with it. And I again I’m so proud of you, care. And I said to my husband, I was up to you, I said, I worked out today. He’s Okay, cool. Good job, you know, good job. I’m like, No, no, you don’t understand. I haven’t worked out in six days and I just got back, and he was like, That is awesome. Because the return

Cara Harvey (12:47.83)

Is what builds the confidence, and the confidence is what allows us to show up in perfectly, which then in turn actually builds our consistency, right? And on top of this, step five is to shorten out your restart gap. The goal here is to reduce the time between falling and starting again, falling and starting again. So I want you to create a little five-minute restart ritual for yourself so that when you do fall off whatever your goal is.

Because you will. And again, this isn’t being negative. Let’s just be realistic. When I stopped looking at having to read perfect plans and showing up perfectly, and I started to show up in a way that was intentional instead. And I made intentionality my goal, I stopped beating myself up about having things on my to-do list at the end of the day. I was bouncing back faster. And that’s the point of this, right? So make a little reset ritual when you notice you’re off track.

Okay, I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I haven’t done my evening routine in like five days. What do I do? So here’s what it looks like. You brain dump everything that’s on your mind about this, how you’re feeling, what tasks are still left, like what does it look like for you? And then pick one. What is one next step? Because the longer we wait to restart something, the heavier it feels. And I’m gonna share this example of I have a side business with a company called Macaroni Kid where I run their website in the Northeast Philly area.

I worked really hard in the beginning to train to learn. I was making money. My life has been very hectic. I haven’t been able to put much time into the business. So I was like, I need to get back to this business. I need to run this website better. It’s a goal of mine. It was feeling so heavy because I was like, I haven’t checked my email in probably like two months, right? Like I really need to get on this. Like I have to. So I just realized how heavy it was, and I used this. I said, What’s my minimal viable? This week, just open and check your email.

Spend 15 minutes in your email cleaning stuff out, answering messages, right? Next week I’m gonna add something to it. Okay. you know, one reach out a day. Slowly getting there because the longer you wait to restart, even if you’re like, I’ve missed my workout six days, and all I’m doing today is I’m just gonna walk for five minutes. It’s the fact that you start it over again. It makes it lighter and it makes it easier and it allows you to restart because consistency is not just about showing up, it’s also about the restart. That’s really the most important piece. Okay. So

Cara Harvey (15:05.814)

If you’re trying to do this, right? Like what does this look like in real life? I’m trying to work from home. Okay. Instead of I and I’ve been off track. I I haven’t gotten in. I haven’t plugged in. I have all this work to get done. I’m feeling super overwhelmed. I’m failing. Summer, my schedule’s off. Okay, bring it in. Instead of, okay, I’m gonna do it, right? That Monday mentality. I’m gonna start and I’m gonna work for five hours today, I’m gonna get it all done. Can you pick three 20 minute tasks that you can do and make that your goal? Make it smaller.

The health goals thing is such a big one and one that we coach on all the time because people will be like, I fell off, I was drinking enough water, I was eating enough this, I was exercising, and now I haven’t done this in a day. I went on vacation. Now this is gonna be a big one for the summer because you’re gonna go on vacation, stuff’s gonna get thrown off. Just get started. Daily movement, I don’t care what it looks like, right? One vegetable a day, one glass of water, just move forward. Another good area to do this is your home management.

Because we know that all the stuff everywhere stresses you out. So instead of I need to do this full clean, I need to do this deep clean, I need to, you know, do all this, just do, hey, I’m gonna do a 15-minute pickup. I’m gonna load my dishes, right? Minimal viable. Now when you’re getting started with trying to shift your mindset over from consistent means constant and perfect to consistent really means flexible and steady, I know that you’re gonna hit a couple mistakes, right? You might be waiting to be motivated. And this is something I notice a lot.

When I feel motivated, I’ll do it. If you could bottle that and just sell it, I would buy it because I’m just not always motivated. I like to read my books. I love to watch a good show. I don’t always want to do stuff. So if you wait for motivation, it’s gonna be really hard to get started. So again, ask yourself, I don’t feel like doing this right now. And and talk we’re just talking about this on my call. Talk to your literally talk to yourself. I all day. All right, I don’t want to do this right. Like again, I got off my call.

And I was like, all right, I need to go record some podcast episodes. so I said, I’m just gonna go like sit and decompress for five minutes. I’m gonna put on a timer and just like scroll my phone for five minutes. And when this five minutes is up, I’m gonna go and I’m gonna record this episode. And that’s what I did. And I talked and I said, five minutes, I said, five minutes is up, Kara. Get on up. And I talked myself through the day. You might seem nuts, but it works, right? The other thing that you might fall into the pitfall of constantly changing your plan, right?

Cara Harvey (17:23.53)

Or not allowing the plan of minimal viable to be enough. Well, I only did this, so maybe I should add more in. Or adding too soon. Okay, I I I’ve been consistent with doing my dishes. I should probably mop too, right? Yes, but let it be extra. Let it be bonus. Don’t make it a requirement. I also just want to say this, and it’s not the most fun thing to say, but a big mistake I notice is where people think consistency should feel easy. Well, once

I have a habit, I shouldn’t have to think about it. I should just do it, right? Yes, but

So the stretching has become a habit for me. Washing my face now, habits. I’ve worked at all these steps to make them happen. I don’t really have to write them down, I just do them. They are not always easy. I don’t always feel like taking off my makeup and washing my face. I don’t always feel like stretching. It’s not always easy, but I have tools that I use. And I think sometimes we think that if it’s not easy, we’re doing something wrong. It’s not that. It’s just that that’s how we are that day, and that’s okay.

Cara Harvey (18:35.662)

All right, so your homework, if you’re ready for it. And again, show notes over at appropriate mom.com slash podcast five twelve. I want you to do a steady reset for yourself. I want you to pick one one. I know you’re gonna pick 12, pick one area, your home, your personal goals, your business, whatever. Determine what your minimal viable, your tiny baseline is for that routine or that goal. Decide the best time to put it into your current life, make it make sense with your week.

And then I want you before you get started to write your messy day, your when the poop hits the fan version. What is it gonna look like on the hard days? Now you have this plan for yourself that you can pull from and you can tell yourself it’s good enough. You do not need a full plan. Now I teach a five-step planning process. You don’t have to have the five-step plan to move forward. You just need a steady next step. It’s not that you’re behind, it’s not that you have to start over every week, right?

It’s that you need a better plan to help you pick things back up. Okay. You are someone who can keep going even when it’s messy. Use that affirmation. I can keep doing this even though it’s not perfect, right? summer’s here. We’re trying to hit structure and we’re trying to get worked and we’re trying to do a bunch of things. Ask yourself, how can I make some plans around my goals and my routines this summer for when stuff happens? We’re gonna go to the beach and then we get home late and I still wanna do my evening routine. What’s my minimal viable?

You can still show up consistently even when life doesn’t feel consistent. Because remember, consistent isn’t constant, right? It’s steady. Show notes at a purposedriven mom.com slash podcast five twelve. If you’re working on anything this week or you need any help, I’m over on Instagram at a purpose driven mom. I cannot wait to connect more.