Cara Harvey (00:04.142)

Welcome to the Purpose Driven Mom Show. Here at Purpose Driven Mom, we believe that it’s possible to manage your home, work on your personal goals, and grow and scale an online business.

Most productivity tips out there tell you to hustle more and make you feel shame about not being motivated enough. And we’re here to dispel this myth. I’m Kara Harvey, and I am on a mission to help work-at-home moms realize that they have the power to go after their dreams, take care of themselves, and manage their home without perfectionism, guilt, or having to sacrifice their sleep. If you’re ready to shift your thinking around productivity and get some practical tips to help you manage your mom life, toss your earbuds in while you fill the laundry, and let’s do this.

Cara Harvey (00:46.574)

episode 508. are continuing our series on spring, end of school year, all the overwhelm and some practical tips and a little bit of a pep talk to help you get through the hard stuff. Everybody talks about the back to school stress, right? And how hard that is, but often we’re not warned about May. We call it May-Sember over here, right? It’s when you’re stretched thin.

emotional, everything feels like it’s happening at once. And we’ve been talking about it these past few episodes here because I want to prep you for how to handle it well. It’s all the things. Teacher gifts, which I wasn’t even thinking about the other day. My daughter has her last week at cheer next week and then we’re going to nationals. And I was like, credit, I got to get the teacher, the coaches, their end of year gifts, because it’s like not the full end of the season, but it is the end of the season. Cause we still have the banquet, but I want to do it for next week. You know, like all those things happen.

And then Spirit Week, shared this on it a couple of weeks ago. It’s today’s like Disney Day at school. Like why? Why is it Disney Day? I don’t know, but now I have to remember it is. Field trips and concerts, recitals, sports, all of it. And then the emails. So many emails. We came off of spring break and I feel like we use talking points as like a way to communicate with school. I got like seven messages in a row. It is mentally and emotionally heavy. And what I actually want to talk about, I’ve been giving you some practical strategies these last few episodes on like, how do you manage your time? And like, what do you do?

all that’s important, but I actually wanna help you mentally today figure out how to deal with the overwhelm and the emotion, because the thing is, it’s not just emotionally heavy for you, it’s also emotionally heavy for your kids. A lot is happening. Let’s talk about that emotional load first. The transition, I am struggling with this transition of my kids getting older. My daughter’s gonna be in fifth grade next year, my son is gonna be in third, and my oldest is gonna be a sophomore in college.

The transition of them aging is hard. And I said it to my daughter. So, oh God, this one hurts. My daughter asked me not to go on her field trip. And she was like, I just want some space. I just want space. And like, I know that it’s going to happen and they’re going to pull away and they’re going to want to be independent and blah, blah, blah. But it hurts my feelings, you know? And so we had a conversation. She’s like, why do you look sad? And I said, I’m going to respect your wishes that if you, you know, don’t want me to go on the field trip, that’s fine.

Cara Harvey (03:07.648)

It hurt so bad. But I said, I’m going to respect your wishes, but I’m still sad about it. I said, we only have a couple field trips. Like, you know, the time’s going to go really quick and I would love to spend it with you. But I want to give you your space as well. While I’m internally dying because I want to literally, I would crawl inside her backpack and be with her every minute of the day. Right? The emotional load also of the nostalgia. I cannot believe it. Like.

You used to be a little baby kindergartner and now you’re going to be a big kid. Maybe they’re transitioning from elementary to middle or middle to high school. It is heavy. And it’s also the decision fatigue, right? This is another reason this season feels so overwhelming. You’re getting literally like permission slips. then there’s a, this week I got, there’s a pretzel sale and then there’s a yearbook and the gifts, like there’s just so much happening and everything starts to stack.

But the normal life that we live, the work life, all the things we’ve done, it doesn’t pause for all of these things. So then it just becomes more and more overwhelming and we live in that guilt. And I think it also becomes harder in our kids because they’re trying to manage the end of school year transitions as well. They’re also trying to decide, like if you have a kid going into high school, they might be deciding about classes. I was talking to some friends that I have going into their kids are going in middle school next year and they have to choose activities and sports now.

There’s a lot happening for them and as your kids are aging, they’re also realizing like, hey, I’m not as little of a kid as I used to be, know, insert age here. And that hits them, you know, as well. I’m not going to see my friends every day. And I want my kids don’t have phones. So that’s like a thing for them. like, well, I’m not going to see my friends every day and I’m a phone to talk to them. Like, you know, like that, that fear of being left behind is there as well. And then there’s this hidden overwhelm.

of our good friendly invisible load. my, right? Yes, we’re busy. But we’re also remembering all of the little things. I don’t know if anyone else does the thing where you have the teacher sign the book, right? Or you gotta go find the things so you could take the picture at the end of the school year and you wanna get the coaches gifts. And if you’re the default parent, it’s exhausting. And what often can happen inside of that is that emotional like,

Cara Harvey (05:25.706)

invisible toll weighs on us and then it magnifies all the other areas of our life that we feel like we’re quote unquote failing. Well, no wonder I forgot about the pretzel sale. I can barely blah, blah, blah. And then our brain makes everything bigger and it makes us feel like a failure. And now the end of the school year isn’t just this overwhelming thing in my calendar. It’s this overwhelming thing in my brain.

Cara Harvey (05:55.118)

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Cara Harvey (06:40.428)

We also have, like I mentioned, that emotional weight of wanting to make everything special. And that turns into an internal pressure, right? Well, I should be doing more. How many times do you say, I should be doing more? I don’t want to miss this. And I, again, the privilege I know I have of working from home and having my own business and making my own schedule, I applaud those moms who work more traditional schedules.

Because it’s not made for us to get out and be at the activity and be at all the places in the middle of the day. Like I want to go to field day, but I have to be at work. And I’d message. And again, like I get to make my schedule. I still have those same struggles, but not as much as I would if I was still teaching. Right. But I had to mess as a teacher because I said, I would shop around the trip. I don’t know what day it is. And like, I know the book fair is coming up, but I want to come in and help. But I need to move my work schedule around. So you’re like, I don’t want to miss this. And it’s making you feel like you’re failing. And this thought of.

I want to do more. This happens to me every year. Like I do as much as I can for my teachers, my kids’ teachers, right? I give a gift card to even like the specials teacher. I was a special education teacher for a long time and quote unquote an other teacher. So I rarely got like the same recognition a classroom teacher would get. So I feel for like the music teacher and the choir teacher, like all those things. So I always send something in, but then I’ll see other people sending in like $50 for a teacher, like some homemade gift. And it makes me feel that pressure of I need to do more.

and you don’t need to do more, right? You are already carrying the expectations and the emotions of the people in your home who are also fried, right? It’s not just the logistics, you’re doing enough. And I think what’s really important to notice and to pay attention to is their moods versus your moods. again, it’s a lot of pressure, but we also help our kids self-regulate. When I’m up, when my emotions, my nervous system is up, my kids are too.

So if I can stay calm about things, it helps co-regulate with them. So if I’m freaking out about everything, well, of course they’re going to freak out and be stressed about stuff. But our kids might also be thinking about, you know, report cards, end of the year, grades, finals. They have all these things they’re already stressed about. And so the emotional toll that it takes on them, take your kid out for an ice cream date. Go and, and I’ve been challenging myself to do this as well.

Cara Harvey (08:59.82)

As soon as I pick my kids up from a practice or we’re in the car, we debrief. I’ve been working really hard on not actually doing that and just letting my kids exist. And my daughter is a self-aware queen. I tell you what, I want to be like her when I grow up. She is very self-assured. She knows what she wants, you know, like type of thing. And she is not always the nicest about communicating, but she can communicate very clearly. So we were walking home from school and I was talking because I talk a lot. They’re part of who I am.

And we were just talking about whatever and things like that. And she was like, mom, I do want to talk to you. And again, my daughter’s 10, ready? Mom, I do want to talk to you, but I’ve just been at school all day and I could just really use some quiet time. Can we talk later? And at first I was like, girl, ew. And then I was like, yes, yes, yes, queen, yes. This is how we have to talk, right? This is how we have to communicate our needs. Remember that your kids are overloaded too. So.

Give some extra snuggles, sit in silence, just be with them. Again, I love the talk. So this is a hard one for me. And I told my daughter too, like I want to solve her problems. I want to fix things for her. But I’ve been doing a lot more studying on tween life and puberty and like how to help. And a lot of it is just existing there. And so I said, you know, I want you to feel like you can come talk to me about things and I’ll just listen. Just tell me, mom, can you just listen? And I won’t say a thing. Just exist with them. Okay.

And I want you to reframe the way that you might be beating yourself up about what you’re not doing this time of year from, should be handling all this better to this is a high capacity season, right? I just need to support myself differently. I am doing the best that I can. Now there’s also some nice ways that you can navigate this a little bit more practically, right? So remind yourself, I need to manage around events and not this ideal schedule.

This may not be the time for you to put new things on your plate. Now I had a really busy first quarter. I put not one new goal on my plate. My goal for the first quarter was creating an entire membership on PurposeU. So feel free PurposeUperMom.com, such as on PurposeU, come hang out with us there. Filmed an entire course, it was exhausting. During cookie season and comp season, like I didn’t put anything on my plate. I think I just cleaned my house for the first time for real. Like right before Easter. Like it just wasn’t it for me. And maybe this is what it is for you.

Cara Harvey (11:20.856)

So don’t put new stuff on your plate, but instead looking at your week and say like, what feels heavy and which are my light days so that I can have some light days. Even if it’s not the whole day, give yourself half a day, right? I also want you to give yourself some recovery time to just mentally decompress, especially when there’s so much happening. Like we left my daughter’s concert last week and I was like, really, I’m again, I’m 42.

perimenopause emotionally in my feels. So, and I’m a mush ball. So we left her concert and I was just like, my God, she’s so grown. Like I was in my feels about it. And sometimes I just need to give myself space to like look through pictures and hug my kids and just exist. Allow yourself to have space to just exist and make sure that you do have some light days mapped in with all the heavy, not just for you, but for the kids. I also want to encourage you to simplify some things without that guilt.

buy the gift card for the teacher, let it be good. You don’t gotta make anything homemade. If it’s optional, maybe you can skip it, right? Simplifying things. You don’t need to prove anything. You’re an incredible mom. You’re doing a great job. Just be there with your kids and remind yourself that in this heavy season, I want to also enjoy things. I don’t just want to survive. I want to thrive a little bit. And by being present and being in the moment,

It’ll help you with that. If you’re a journaler, journal out your thoughts and feelings. I’m a talker. So that’s why I like to go for a walk. I talk to myself, allow yourself to decompress. And when you’re in your feels, when you’re having your moments, when the emotional load feels heavy, go get some fresh air and just remind yourself, I’m doing the best I can. And that’s all you can ask. I know that the next month or so, depending on when your kids end school, I have till the mid-June.

I know some of you end earlier, right? And if you have older kids and you’re getting ready for high school graduations and all like big milestones, I just want to tell you, it is okay right now to take a minute. And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed with everything happening and grateful about the fact that you have made it another day with your family. It’s okay if not every minute is enjoyable, even if it is what it is and you’re allowed to be tired. It’s a meaningful season.

Cara Harvey (13:42.378)

but you’re allowed to be tired. You’re allowed to have your feelings. You’re allowed to say those things. This is a phrase I use a lot in my personal life and in real life. Both things can be true. You can cherish this time, but you can also feel stretched thin. And then ask yourself, how can I give myself five minutes to me? Five minutes alone in the car, go hide in the bathroom, take some deep breaths before you walk into events. Especially I think of these events now, like yeah, I’m a talker.

I like to speak, talk to people, but there are sometimes I’m like, just don’t feel like peopling. Like, I just don’t feel like talking to everybody. I’m going to see a lot of people and my husband like jokes all the time. Cause he’s like, man, we see the same people that’s like in my town. It’s not like a huge town, but it’s not a small town, but a lot of kids do the same stuff. It’s like, I just don’t always feel like talking and that’s okay. I want to talk to more people, but sometimes I’m like, I’m just putting my headphones in and that’s that universal sign for like, I’m just giving myself a minute. Right.

Remember that this is temporary summer is just around the corner. And if that is stressful for you as well to think about, just embrace this end of the season, embrace these milestones. Maybe your kids had a hard school year. I will tell you, we did over here. I had never had to go to the school to have meetings with teachers before this year. And fourth grade was a tough one. We had a really hard school year. I know my kids are ready to be done. They hated school this year, to be honest. homeschool was talked about many times in our.

in our home and who knows what we’ll wind up doing for next year. I’m hoping things will get better, but I don’t know. So, you know, this could be a season where you’re like, I’m just happy. I just want to get done. Right. But it could be a season where you’re sad to get done. And those things are fine as well. All right. I just want you to support yourself emotionally, support the kids emotionally. You know, the end of the school year, it’s not just that it’s busy, it’s heavy. So give yourself some space to feel your feelings to

anchoring with your kids, have some extra snuggles, the other stuff, it’ll get done. And if you forget something, because you’re probably going to forget something, there’s something you’re going to drop the ball on. Know that it’s fine. It is okay every once in a while to let the ball fall. it is not the end of the world. You’re doing a great job. Have a wonderful day and you can check out the show notes at a purpose to remind.com slash podcast five.

Cara Harvey (15:59.404)

and our next series we’ll be doing in May. We’re gonna talk about summer planning and how we can craft out some time for you. So let’s get excited and get ready to transition all that. Have a great one.

Cara Harvey (16:14.67)

Thanks so much for listening to this episode of the Purpose Driven Mom Show. If this episode served you in any way, we would really appreciate it if you headed over to wherever you listen to podcasts, hit that five star and leave a review and a rating. That’s how more moms can find us and we can grow our community. If you had a tip or an aha, make sure you come over and tag me at a Purpose Driven Mom on Instagram and share it with your friends. The best way for us to get this message out there of less hustle and less shame and more intentionality is for you to share it with people you know need to hear it.

Thanks for listening, we appreciate you, and I can’t wait to connect with you more outside of the podcast.